"On the cliche side?" Yeah. Well, once you're past a certain stage in your writing, it's fine for you to write on subjects that are a little (gasp) cliche. And I'm pretty sure you're at that point by now, JM.
You seem to have really ditched your tendency to go into elaborate descriptions of the natural world for this one, and focused on your literal message... usually I see a nice, long allegorical nature description when I read your poetry. Instead you chose to speckle it with a few comparisons to nature, clouds, sunsets... which is cool, just different.
I do like your technique here, and the internal rhymes you've used from place to place, the alliterations (of course, you always rock with the alliterations). I prefer the subject matter you usually adhere to, but there's obviously nothing wrong with exploring and finding your poetic self... how can you know without experimenting?
This is a great poem, JM, and you wrote it beautifully. Not what I'm used to, and not my favourite flavour at all, but I can't ever deny that you're very talented, and that comes through in everything you write.
Oh and thanks for posting in Sanctuary. This place needs a little traffic and you're just popular enough at piptalk to be the perfect bait...
And sorry if this reply sounds at all negative... I just know you value my opinion and for that reason I feel a responsibility to be honest with you.
Much love to my favourite moth.
God becomes as
we are that we
may be as he