»
Sanctuary
»
Poetic Haven
»
Unwritten Rhymes
| Poetic Haven |
|
Unwritten Rhymes |
|
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Unwritten Rhymes If I had a rhyme for every time I have tried to write of you ... I could have composed a volume of sonnets. On so many occasions, I have in vain, attempted to alliterate the way your voice wraps around me like an ocean's blued breeze, like a shared sunset's surrender to the shoreline. To impress with poetic express, to coerce in verse ... to tell how just sitting next to you contents me like the clouds calm the sky ... like the stars console the moon. I have come to the conclusion, since my pen went into this silent seclusion, that there just aren't always words to define. There are some things that simply cannot be contained nor explained by rhymes. Perhaps a poet more masterful than I, could turn a phrase in praise of the way you've replaced my words with sated sighs. Please forgive my cliche' muted muse, she's as awestruck by you as I am. My heart writes you poetry with every beat ... you are the cadence of my breath. [This message has been edited by Janet Marie (04-22-2003 09:27 PM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2003 Janet Marie - All Rights Reserved | |||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Now JM.... this is poetry... pure and from inside where we hide those things we don't want exposed to the harsh light of day... seems to me you did say those things you protest you can't... I think your talent is showing as well as your heart  |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
'Tis love that speaks, and renders, weak, the heart smote well by word, who knows the way, his thoughts doth lay, and whose ears by which he's heard... tenderly he wends his pen, and plans so well his write, as candle burns, he quoths the raven, as blackest ink sees light... dip thy quill oh master, mine, and scratch thy thought for one, 'tis not my heart that seeks thy word, but a moth, who seeks, the sun. |
||
|
Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
This Dear...is why you are the Queen Moth!!  |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I think your muse found the right words...and they are beautiful.  |
||
Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
quote:Lady, you make it so easy to want to be a moth you know that don't you? I would follow you into any fire to feel this way, and I can't imagine it ever having enough words to describe that feeling, no never. Oh my goodness! |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Ron... dont ya mean pure moth poetry  thank you poet pal..you know how much your opinion matters to me. I know this one is on the cliche side...but i was determined to shake something loose out of the moody muse of mine...just can seem to find the words for what Im feeling inside these days...I know poetry cant be forced...but I also know if we dont make the muse get some exersize the pen will get real lazy. (ya hear that Dunc) LOL Kari.... thank you for the oh so lovely poetic reply...loving these lines.... "as candle burns, he quoths the raven, as blackest ink sees light... dip thy quill oh master, mine, and scratch thy thought for one, 'tis not my heart that seeks thy word, but a moth, who seeks, the sun."" Im more than honored you found inspire in me mothy words.  Dunc ... then crown me my prince of the porch LOLthank you for the crit and second pair of eyes on this one. Poet D ...thank you Sharon, for seeing between the lines and the "beautiful reply. Sharon... oh you know my motto....tis not easy being a moth *wink* thank you dear lady for you understanding of me mothy ways..and for this lovely reply. You're the best I've ever felt ... |
||
|
Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hello you... I see you're still writing beautifully...and writing things of my own heart that I understand so well. Sometimes it just aches to be near another person and everything seems so exquisite, and it feels, well - profound. I've often wondered how we can write profundity...so I understand the difficulty. Hugs  K |
||
|
Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Oh My! Janet Marie...you have taken my breath away with this, I know that that is a cliche but I am lost for words. simply beautiful. doin the library thing Maree |
||
|
Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
"On the cliche side?" Yeah. Well, once you're past a certain stage in your writing, it's fine for you to write on subjects that are a little (gasp) cliche. And I'm pretty sure you're at that point by now, JM. You seem to have really ditched your tendency to go into elaborate descriptions of the natural world for this one, and focused on your literal message... usually I see a nice, long allegorical nature description when I read your poetry. Instead you chose to speckle it with a few comparisons to nature, clouds, sunsets... which is cool, just different. I do like your technique here, and the internal rhymes you've used from place to place, the alliterations (of course, you always rock with the alliterations). I prefer the subject matter you usually adhere to, but there's obviously nothing wrong with exploring and finding your poetic self... how can you know without experimenting? This is a great poem, JM, and you wrote it beautifully. Not what I'm used to, and not my favourite flavour at all, but I can't ever deny that you're very talented, and that comes through in everything you write. Oh and thanks for posting in Sanctuary. This place needs a little traffic and you're just popular enough at piptalk to be the perfect bait...  And sorry if this reply sounds at all negative... I just know you value my opinion and for that reason I feel a responsibility to be honest with you. Much love to my favourite moth. Brian God becomes as |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Kamala ... thank you for your insight...its just as you said...sometimes the intensity is overwhelming and leaves us searching for the right words and in my case of late, lacking them. Its a whole nother kind of writers block Profound is not a word that will be associated with my poetry, I'm just grateful when me moody muse is even speaking to me thanks so much for stopping by and for the kind words. Maree .... cliche is often the sweetest to our ears and your reply is just that... thank you much girlie for your wonderful response and for finding this worthy of your library. You make me smile cross the miles Brian... Did you just call me moth bait????? LOLNo worrries my cherished parasite--your reply wasnt negative at all...you saw and understood what I was attempting to accomplish here...the whole point was to work on shaking something from a muse that has been struggling for its words and so there would be no real elaboration ... also was my attempt to work on writing more succinct and spontaneous and not spend days tweaking and rewriting. But also the fact that I was trying to convey that my emotions were overwhelming my words and so less is more? LOL and yeah...those alliterations and rhymes just seem to sneak in And yes -- I do value your opinion and would always want you and any one else who read to be honest...I know this is far from my "best" thats the irony of the writes intention and inspire...but the beauty of poetry is that one can read something and find their reflection in it and the emotional response means as much as the critique.As always my groovy guy...I thank you for your time and efforts and allowing me to see the words thru your eyes as I alway come away enlightened. Thank you everyone for stopping in and sharing your thoughts with me You're the best I've ever felt ... |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Janet Marie Your muse knows the words and has given you them just right, mixed with the gold found in loving feelings, so simply yet beautifully expressed.  |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Martie... thank you sweet poetess...even your replies read like poetry.  thanks again to all for your kind words. You're the best I've ever felt ... |
||
|
EagleOne Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829Between a laugh and a tear... |
As always, I find much in your words. And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand ~ Bernie Taupin |
||
|
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
cliche huh? LOL... yeah I guess feelings such as you express here are cliche... who hasn't felt something like them at one time or the other. It is amazing to me... that while we...as we grow older get world worn and jaded by words that we have seen used before or images we have seen created before... do we ever stop and think about those that have not? Are these same words and phrases cliche to them? My my.... it is so good to be so wise we can only appreciate the the things we have not seen before... sure helps with late night memory... we don't have to worry about remembering anything good we might enjoy..it might be cliche you know... LMAO [This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (04-24-2003 12:18 PM).] |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
OH....I see how it is...you're gonna use my own words against me huh? Ok ok...point made and taken... and just to be clear...I didnt mean that "cliche" is all bad...its just that Im at a loss for expression of late and my muse is making me work for every word. I just feel like I've said all that I am saying so many times before and want my poetry to progress beyond this point. I want to tap into these deep rooted emotions and find a way to express them in ways Ive not before. Thanks for another view and your insight Capt... as always-- I learn from you. |
||
|
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
A fair wind blows steadily underneath your wings, JM, lifting you higher than most. |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Thank you Kacy..what a sweet thing to say... your reply was poetic and lovely. I could use a good updraft bout now TY groovy girl You're the best I've ever felt ... |
||
|
JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Poetic perfection. Truly music to my eyes. Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. |
||
|
RSWells Member Elite
since 2001-06-17
Posts 2533 |
Wow, I don't know where all this is coming from but I'm glad I found your hiding place. Maybe I'll try this spot, the crowd at the other joint gets boisterous and pushy. Enjoyed |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
JP...as is your reply to my eyes... thank you so much poet sir for the kind words. Richard...thank you for the wow... I guess you could say "all this" is coming from my heart Yes...please do come and enjoy the slower pace of Sanctuary. |
||
|
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
This reminds me of me... not in the words so much as the wondering. *S* For it's always seemed to be a quirk of my rhyme mind that it turns off when feelings are too intense... it must be certifiably goofy, too... cause it sticks around longer when there's misery... goes skipping out the door when happy enters. *S* I'm only now, after *cough* years turning to pen to try to capture joy... whether successful or not. *S* Sometimes, even poets lack the words. *S* And you wrote those times so very well... even if doing so ends up being a contradiction of your claim you can't! LOL |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Ruth... yep..thats it exactly...Im shaking my head in agreement as I read your reply.. I can write the angst, the sad and mad, I can bleed till the rhymes beg for mercy, but contentment is so much harder to write for my pen, although I must admit, the ocean did become quite a contenting muse. This one was me forcing my muse to write something...I had been working on another poem and nothing would come from it and so this was my way of having the last word with me moody muse. LOL thank you girlie for stopping by Im still imagining your voice ... |
||
|
Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Your "pen's silent seclusion" is heaven to me. What a touching write. You write from the heart and with no heart your silence would be deafening. Lovely as ever... If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
||
|
Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
I dunno, JM....first you say what my own heart has found to be true: "that there just aren't always words to define. There are some things that simply cannot be contained nor explained by rhymes." And then you show that maybe you're the exception to that rule: "My heart writes you poetry with every beat ... you are the cadence of my breath." This is so fine...I just love it. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Larry and Ed...two of my fave gentlemen... thank you so much to the both of you for such gracious responses to this...Sometimes it seems there just arent words to do what we feel justice..but still we poets must try. Thanks me groovy guys Im still imagining your voice ... |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
