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Passions in Poetry

old night

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Riley
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since 07-18-2002
Posts 1122
in the pouring rain


0 posted 03-29-2003 06:36 PM       View Profile for Riley   Email Riley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Riley



Cold and stony was the glass wall there
As well as a maiden, with tiny knots in her hair
Her love plaited in the single braid, seeming a stroke of brilliance
A prince has not come in the dark of night
Pale of the moon glowing down on the tower
So picture it, frame it, on the wall that stands
Near the hourglass ticking away time
As a true love does not ride down the path
Paved by the servant that lives there

Crashing and banging, the thunder rolls down
Lit up by the lightning that strikes its great hand
All alone in the night, cries howl to the moon
No one to give her strength anymore
Through the dark, the storm does tear on
Creeping in and out of the trees mighty limbs
Breaking down the poor maiden so fair
To collect a token each time the bell tolls

Droplets painted a pictured on the old tin roof
Of the barn where her love was to meet
If so unfortunately for him did the roof then cave
He would be gone by the light of new day
Yet, was he there to die in her honor
Waiting in there for the girl in the tower to come down
My mistress please cry for the town just informed
The one you call love is dead

Windows stained with the fog, words written in by a girl.

© Copyright 2003 Riley Grant - All Rights Reserved
fractal007
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since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


1 posted 03-30-2003 02:39 AM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

My, a rather mournful poem here.  The second stanza is neat, with all the things you do with the storm.  The whole poem casts a good deal of darkness.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


2 posted 04-01-2003 03:08 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Riley... WOW.... this is incredible.  I love your style, the moderation you use between addressing the reader and describing the image directly, the wordings of each line and especially the way you cut the closing line a bit shorter than the rest to let the final syllable echo.  The whole story here is just perfect, as Fractal said, mournful from the very start.  

I think your style has evolved here to a new standard, Riley... this poem is definitely my favourite of yours to date, I'm adding it to my library and congratulating you on a job well done.  Excellent poetry.

Parasite

"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true.
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


3 posted 04-01-2003 03:09 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

click
Riley
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
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since 07-18-2002
Posts 1122
in the pouring rain


4 posted 04-02-2003 08:29 AM       View Profile for Riley   Email Riley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Riley

Fractal: Thanks a lot.


LP: sinsters my game . I'm glad you WOWed it. I got inspired to write this by one of those open mic things in the lounge but it turned out something totally different.

Riley

" Were in Heaven " - Dj Sammy

Windows stained with the fog, words written in by a girl.

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