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Passions in Poetry

False Foundations

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PoetryIsLife
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0 posted 03-25-2003 07:07 PM       View Profile for PoetryIsLife   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for PoetryIsLife


The wind plays its game,
blowing it's breath as always,
my door thusly not long closed,
or opposedly open.
In my mind's eye stands
so tall, so mighty a pyramid.
The envy of the desert.
Disaster is upon us, it pleads,
it's pyramid eyes afraid.
It's cornerstone was falsly done,
you see,
and thus it all comes undone.
The blur of fallen pride blinds,
and I blink, now back to the
door and its playmate wind.
Have my foundations been false?
To begin, afresh, I must.
No opinion is untouchable.
Like Descartes, I take on myself.
© Copyright 2003 Daniel Redding - All Rights Reserved
PoetryIsLife
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1 posted 03-25-2003 07:09 PM       View Profile for PoetryIsLife   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PoetryIsLife

Please, tear it apart if you wish.

~Titus

"On the plains of Hesitation lie the blackend bones of countless millions, who, at the verge of victory, sat down to wait, and waiting - died."
    

fractal007
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2 posted 03-26-2003 12:31 AM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

At the risk of getting into philosophy, the idea that no opinion is untouchable is itself an opinion.  That's the scary thing about life.  A lot of it is about faith, though many will tell you faith is a bunch of old useless mumbo jumbo.

Onto the poem itself, I think it's pretty cool.  However, I'm not so sure a pyramid best suits the image of a foundation not being secure.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but a pyramid is pretty secure on its own without any sort of foundation.  Also, I don't think thusly is a word.  

Other than that, though, the poem is kinda neat.  The desert is a neat metaphorical environment in which to set your topic.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
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Mistletoe Angel
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3 posted 03-28-2003 01:00 AM       View Profile for Mistletoe Angel   Email Mistletoe Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Mistletoe Angel's Home Page   View IP for Mistletoe Angel



(sigh) Descartes...a very intriguing fellow indeed, never before had I read of a man who so passionately countered his own arguments to make them more valid! (big hugggssssss) As philosophy is a deep matter, I won't comment much on opinion but I do like this poem very much, I do have to agree with the pyramid thing as they truly are marvelous withstanders but this is certainly worthy for the book, you have my vote, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Daniel, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

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4 posted 03-29-2003 10:07 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Noah - read Nietzsche.  

Daniel -
I like the structure of your poem.  You use imagery as the main tool and pull the reader into your image, describing event, giving visuals.  I really enjoyed that aspect of this poem.  This is one of the best pieces I've read from you, in terms of style.

Frac, I think he intended to use the pyramid as something strong and foundationless, so that when it all fell apart, he could question whether a stronger foundation was needed after all.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I thought he used that image precisely because it was one whose foundation seemed meaningless until it collapsed.

I like this, Daniel, and I'll vote to have it in the book.

"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true.
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

fractal007
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5 posted 03-29-2003 01:28 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

LP:

Your interpretation of the pyramid sounds right.  After all, we do appear to be able to survive, at least, in this world apparently without "foundation."

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
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PoetryIsLife
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6 posted 03-29-2003 02:02 PM       View Profile for PoetryIsLife   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PoetryIsLife

I love listening to people discussing my poetry. It's so... stimulating. I'll leave what I meant for/with the poem alone, because I don't want to disrupt the flow of conversation.

About thusly, I could have sworn it was used a few decades or centurys ago. Even if it wasn't, I don't give a damn, because I use the word all the time.

Sincerely,
Titus

"On the plains of Hesitation lie the blackend bones of countless millions, who, at the verge of victory, sat down to wait, and waiting - died."
    

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