How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Sanctuary
 Poetic Haven
 MySelf, or a Description of the Planet J
 1 2 3 4
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Poet deVine, Martie   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

MySelf, or a Description of the Planet Jupiter

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


0 posted 03-07-2003 12:27 AM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for fractal007

That merciless torrent of red and brown
that clothes your soul and veils your mind
roars with rage and fights to drown
calming thoughts in a heart confined.

Below the war there rests a sea
that seethes with hate and boiling fire
churning away in secrecy
anger and hate, never to tire.

Still further down, a deadened rock
that once held hope for life anew,
succumbing slowly to certain debacle,
waits for death to claim its due.

"If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"
-- Magus
"there is no good and evil, there are just sides."
-- Local Parasite

© Copyright 2003 fractal007 - All Rights Reserved
Marshalzu
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 02-15-2001
Posts 4465
Lurking


1 posted 03-07-2003 12:33 PM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

Very well written, I really enjoyed the read

Andrew
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


2 posted 03-07-2003 01:34 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

This is kind of weird.  I've been trying with cosmic imagery lately in my poetry but haven't posted any of it because I'm constantly displeased with how it works out for me.  Using the planet Jupiter to parallel yourself is a brilliant concept.  Particularly loved how you focused on the layers of Jupiter, how they were also layers of yourself... you wrote this quite well and I'm glad to have read it.

Waiting eagerly on your next.

Parasite

"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true.
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


3 posted 03-07-2003 02:17 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

I can feel the atmosphere crushing me to pulp in this poem, the remains torn apart by the raging hurricane.

Evocative writing, and, ouch.

I know it's over.
The Smiths

fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


4 posted 03-07-2003 06:14 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

Thanks for the supportive comments, Allan.  I've been intending to write a piece like this for some time.  I've been experimenting with "encoding" parts of my life in elements in poems.  Good to see it's working out okay.

Marshal and BSquirrel:

Thanks for the replies.  Again, glad this poem worked out well.

"If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"
-- Magus
"there is no good and evil, there are just sides."
-- Local Parasite

 
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Sanctuary >> Poetic Haven >> MySelf, or a Description of the Planet J Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors