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Passions in Poetry

Another Holy Sonnet [Repost from Corner Pub]

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fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


0 posted 02-28-2003 09:10 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for fractal007

I decided to post this again here.  It didn't seem to interest many people in the pub.  I hope my sonnets aren't THAT boring!  

My five-year scar still burns intense with pain,
my soul remains a tattered deformed beast
whose journeys are told throughout the west and east
and still I lead a normal life in vain.
I know that western place where my innocence was slain,
wherein my faith in God was smashed and ceased
to be my guide as guilt and pain increased
and I received my own hateful disdain.
But now I trust and have again my faith,
and so I'll try to be a righteous man.
But still the painful worries attack and scathe
my lowly soul that from God's kindness ran.
And so my life goes on and still I fight
against the waves of my past stormy night.

"If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"
-- Magus
"there is no good and evil, there are just sides."
-- Local Parasite

© Copyright 2003 fractal007 - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


1 posted 03-06-2003 11:55 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Sonnet eh?  Haven't read one by you.  I have to say, structurally, I think you could do a lot more work towards making this as good a sonnet as possible.  Remember the iambic pentameter is important, try not to abandon it so frequently or the flow could be harmed (and I believe that it was).

As for content, well, those 5 years are more than most people take to find God, so you should be proud of yourself for at least having an educated and tried faith, as opposed to a blind and unwavering one.  As for me, Augustine couldn't restore my faith and Descartes is trying at the moment, so we'll see how that pans out.

Aside from the structural failings, nicely written, Frac.  This deserves at least one reply.  

Parasite

"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true.
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


2 posted 03-07-2003 06:35 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

I agree with you on your assessment.  If my latest piece is of any indication, my skill in writing with a strict form is improving.  For that I must thank my writing course that I'm in, as it has encouraged in me a sense of obligation and even duty toward *perfection*.  

I'd say this sonnet reflects the closing portion of my age of casual vague meter.  

BTW, I read A Window, as you may have seen.  I think you ought to submit it for Reflections.

"If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"
-- Magus
"there is no good and evil, there are just sides."
-- Local Parasite

 
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