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Passions in Poetry

Bus Stop Confessions.

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Marshalzu
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0 posted 02-22-2003 06:26 PM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

Bus Stop Confessions

I stood
   silently.


watching,
waiting.


I looked,
       her eyes,
    fascinating,
familiar,


   I parted lips
but her name was lost


she blushed,
    I turned my face.


She walked away...

...the girl I never knew.


I just changed the title from lost, which I thought was a little bit vague.


[This message has been edited by Marshalzu (02-24-2003 10:01 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 Andrew Sewell - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
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1 posted 02-26-2003 12:55 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Nicely done Zu... I like the slight iambic flow in the syllable organization.  So kind of you to throw that in and allow the reader a taste of metered verse, even without visually formatting the poem as such.

I hate when this happens, when I see someone I recognize but can't recall their name.  Although I think there's more to this poem than that, that you saw this girl and thought more of her than just a face you might have remembered, but rather, as a face that was compelling to you.  Either that, or it's a person from your past that you regret not getting to know better... which would explain your slightly solemn tone in the end.

Not sure how to take it, but I like the title, and I like the structure.  Nicely written, Andrew.

Parasite

"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true.
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

PoetryIsLife
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...in my boxers...


2 posted 02-26-2003 03:30 PM       View Profile for PoetryIsLife   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PoetryIsLife

Not much else to say, because what Allan over here said are my words, just, they are his, too.

Well done, Zuman. I like the simplisticness of it... more my style.

~Titus

"On the plains of Hesitation lie the blackend bones of countless millions, who, at the verge of victory, sat down to wait, and waiting - died."
    

bsquirrel
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3 posted 02-26-2003 04:39 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

I love how you built this one.
fractal007
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4 posted 02-28-2003 08:48 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

I like the ending.  It's kinda humourous.  Is this something that actually happened to you?  It's always fun to let out things like that in poetry.  

"If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"
-- Magus
"there is no good and evil, there are just sides."
-- Local Parasite

Marshalzu
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5 posted 03-03-2003 09:12 AM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

This is partly inspired by something that happened but not the exact circumstances but it's more driven by a dream I had and a song I was listening to at the time. I have to say I quite like it, I think it's the first thing I've written for myself and I enjoyed doing that.
Riley
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in the pouring rain


6 posted 03-12-2003 08:14 PM       View Profile for Riley   Email Riley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Riley

I liked this, very true, and don't you hate it when you can't remeber someones name. I do that all the time.


Riley

Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you......

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