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Passions in Poetry

Fish

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Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


0 posted 02-15-2003 03:46 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

It all began a summertime of summer after dark
When dim, the land was cleansed by hands divine, and ev'ry spark
Was cut apart, and ev'ry shine was smolder'd out of form
The clouds a crackl'ing cackle hail'd in a relentless storm
The landscape gripp'd by violence was split, a gaping fault
Brought wisdom and technology eternally to halt.

But there were three, that time with me, who dwelt within my dwelling
There were the three, and there was me--our pain and panic swelling
Regarding what was lost in time, our paradise of steel
Snapp'd quakingly and swallow'd by what colours we'd conceal
Achiev'ments known by time were, piece by piece, demolished too
There were the three, and there was me--t'was ev'rything I knew.

Sometimes, we would be overcome with fear of future slaughter
And we would come here, to these cliffs above the spinning water
In spite of what our lives would be, we'd close our eyes and leap
To plunge through air, where nothing of humanity we'd keep
Our arms were sprawl'd, the sky about was gnashing at our skin
Our words could not be heard, so with our breath, we held them in.

And for those moments that we were suspended way on high
All of the things we'd once said beautiful, were rushing by
Our values, loves and joys, and fears and hatred, smeared away
Oblivion held brilliantly our souls in vain display
We fought not back, accepting that for now he held us captured
The sky as blurr'd as anything as, downward, we were raptured.

Soon, as our toes pierc'd heavily into the waves so thrashing
We felt in all directions beings, fluidly, went dashing
And sometimes, we would wake our eyes to spot them in their motion
Our envy tilted t'wards them, in their ignorant commotion
The fortunes of untainted joy who, 'round us, ever swirl'd
No dreams or curiousity to end their silver world.
© Copyright 2003 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
LoveBug
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since 01-08-2000
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1 posted 02-15-2003 06:59 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

"And for those moments that we were suspended way on high
All of the things we'd once said beautiful, were rushing by
Our values, loves and joys, and fears and hatred, smeared away
Oblivion held brilliantly our souls in vain display"

I really do like this piece, Brian, even if it took awhile to 'get it'. Such complex thought weaved into beautiful verse is a wonderful, lofty combination. I can't wait to see what everyone else thinks of it

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.--Jesus Christ

Martie
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since 09-21-1999
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California


2 posted 02-15-2003 08:45 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

LP...Sometimes such beautiful word presentation gets in the way of actual appreciation, and the word make-up becomes more interesting than the feeling of the poem.  This poem took me into that place in time, free and alive, almost like being there.  That makes this wonderful for me, the reader.  Thank you!  Great work!
fractal007
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since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


3 posted 02-16-2003 01:03 AM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

Whoa! a fascinating combination of the post apocalyptic and the eternal perdition of hell.  Your almost suicidal portrayal of resignation in life is masterfully drawn.  I also really liked your giant faultline between wisdom and technology.  Finally, the conclusion of this poem seems to display a sense of the speaker's intellectual superiority over the masses.  Is this something you intended?  

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

PoetryIsLife
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since 10-27-2001
Posts 4115
...in my boxers...


4 posted 02-20-2003 04:55 PM       View Profile for PoetryIsLife   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PoetryIsLife

I'm not in the mood to give you an interpitation, or anything of the sort, so, Brian, all I care to say is a damn good job. To me, this is poetry at it's best. No kissing up, or any bs, just a compliment, poet to poet.

~Titus

"On the plains of Hesitation lie the blackend bones of countless millions, who, at the verge of victory, sat down to wait, and waiting - died."
    

bsquirrel
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


5 posted 02-21-2003 06:51 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Why you haven't submitted this for the book is beyond me ... though I guess too many poems submitted would whittle down the votes exponentially. Still ... an amazing piece that reminds me of the breathtaking moments in AI before the film turns to junk.
PoetryIsLife
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...in my boxers...


6 posted 02-26-2003 03:35 PM       View Profile for PoetryIsLife   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PoetryIsLife

Why exactly haven't you submitted it?

~Titus

"On the plains of Hesitation lie the blackend bones of countless millions, who, at the verge of victory, sat down to wait, and waiting - died."
    

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