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Passions in Poetry

The Galleria

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Child of the Stars
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Ann Arbor, MI


0 posted 02-13-2003 07:28 PM       View Profile for Child of the Stars   Email Child of the Stars   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Child of the Stars


One of my many tries to get this concept right...I could really use suggestions on this one, so feel free to fire away.

The Galleria

With sweeping strokes of thumbs composed
I bind this glass
to one-it-self; and bonding's skin
I'll never miss

I press my lips against the face,
pray-kiss, fare-well
these days that leapt from night to night
and death to still

For love I lived and love I'll keep
within those walls;
but nothing stops this silken spring
when down it goes.
© Copyright 2003 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
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1 posted 02-14-2003 11:41 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Yikes... your poetry kicks my ass, Carly.

quote:
With sweeping strokes of thumbs composed
I bind this glass
to one-it-self; and bonding's skin
I'll never miss


Intros are so hard to do for a lot of us ya know.  Stop trying to make it look so easy.     Perfect opening, sets the scene exactly as it should be, and I can already see the cold nostalgia in the narrator's eyes by the time the last line hits with confirmation.  Love the line "I bind this glass," the word "bind" has so many connotational values, as if the narrator is afraid something might escape from the glass... also suggests that it is the narrator's choice to bind it away.

quote:

I press my lips against the face,
pray-kiss, fare-well
these days that leapt from night to night
and death to still


Again, the leaving aspect, the fact that the narrator is abandoning something she once held dear, and reminiscing over those "days that leapt from night to night."  "Death to still," I really like... tragedy to rest... "death" which comes first, is painful and negative, but "still" which comes next, is peaceful, and fully neutral.  I think the narrator is trying to express a movement from sorrow into indifference... not in herself, but in the days themselves.  The sorrowful days are gone and now, regardless of how she feels, there is only the "still."

quote:
For love I lived and love I'll keep
within those walls;
but nothing stops this silken spring
when down it goes.


Here we have a conflict between control and lack of control.  I'm really taken by the closing lines, they're inconclusive and bitter.  First you say "love I lived and love I'll keep within those walls," suggesting again that it's your decision and you are what "binds" the love within "those walls," but then you contradict yourself, saying "nothing stops this silken spring when down it goes."  

I see this as a poem about conflict... control, but in a way, forced control.  As though the narrator is making the only choice she has, but nonetheless, is making the choice of her own will.

Oh, and for old time's sake, I'll congratulate your meter... perfect choice, such an awkward and abrupt flow, set the tone just as it needed to be.  Awesome, though-provoking work, Carly Anne.

Parasite

"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true.
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

LoveBug
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2 posted 02-14-2003 09:00 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

Ahem.. well, my reply won't be THAT lengthy, I'll just say that I really enjoyed this piece. To me, it reflects a conflict to create something... I might be totally off, I usually am, so overlook me. But.. I don't really have any suggestions, except maybe make it a little longer? Add a little more detail? Thats just  me though

Thankee for a great piece

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.--Jesus Christ

fractal007
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since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


3 posted 02-17-2003 09:53 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

Interesting.  I seem to be having many problems reading poetry tonight.  Glass is a major image in many of your poetry, it appears.  Here your poem seems to figure the speaker molding it like pottery.  Is that correct?  The speaker is molding it into a face?  Anyhow, the words in this poem are quite haunting...

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Local Parasite
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4 posted 07-23-2003 10:11 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Reading over your older work, Car... makes me droool ya know...

Gotta love the best of Carly Anne.  I want to file this in my library under "tres cool."

Bri

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

Local Parasite
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Transylconia, Winnipeg


5 posted 07-23-2003 10:11 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

click
timothysangel1973
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Never close enough


6 posted 07-24-2003 12:00 AM       View Profile for timothysangel1973   Email timothysangel1973   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit timothysangel1973's Home Page   View IP for timothysangel1973

Well, I ain't gonna lie...it was very interesting, and as I read it over I realize that I am no match for The Haven...I guess I'll just stick in Open...hehe

Brian said it all for the ones that don't know how!

It was very much enjoyed!
Marshalzu
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7 posted 07-24-2003 04:54 PM       View Profile for Marshalzu   Email Marshalzu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marshalzu's Home Page   View IP for Marshalzu

Wonderful writing, I really enjoyed the read

Andy
 
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