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Passions in Poetry

Slam

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Kevin
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 11-02-1999
Posts 752
Torrington, Ct, Usa


0 posted 01-16-2003 03:37 PM       View Profile for Kevin   Email Kevin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Kevin

Slam,
the new millenium
porno packin pentiums
anthrax backed insentives from
tactical delerium
fear impacting practices
pain from airplane crashes
enflaming western masses
to patriotic passion
we act in common fashion
lash out without world sanction
while poverty seeks sanctum
as forces start to flank them
enforcing hollow claims that
theres secret actions aimed at
our spooked and wounded homeland
but nukes haven't been shown and
we push on irregaurdless
like bombing them is harmless
inside this global venue
the saga will continue when
Slam
© Copyright 2003 Kevin Bednarz - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


1 posted 01-20-2003 12:37 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

The next slam already happened, Kevin... in fact, plenty of slams have come... the only problem was, nobody on our half of the globe really cared.  That's war for you - if they're not our innocents, they're not innocent at all.

Great poem though... like how you made it cyclic.  That's just how war is... slam leads to slam leads to slam.  When will it end?

Parasite

"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true.
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


2 posted 01-30-2003 11:22 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

Awesome post!  I loved it.  Great rhythm and great rhymes!  It sounded a lot like the lyrics to a serious dance groove.  

Only complaint is this line:

"we push on irregaurdless"

This is a double negetive.  I assume you mean "we push on regardless."  But in either case, this line is somewhat awkward and presents the only major hurdle this piece needs to overcome.

This poem belongs in my library nonetheless.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

 
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