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stars and planets

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Riley
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Senior Member
since 07-18-2002
Posts 1122
in the pouring rain


0 posted 01-12-2003 12:31 PM       View Profile for Riley   Email Riley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Riley


tin rain rolls off the white-lined clouds
the darkness shall overcome this unspeakable
prayers go unanswered from time to time
though i couldn't bother with anything like that
because wishing for a new life isn't possible
just convincing myself i am beautiful
my daddy always told me the moon made me gorgeous
i am beginning to wonder if that truth turned
from now until i am two i had promised
to be prime and proper
looks like promises can be kept
for two and a half minutes
as the sweat rolls off me now
pelting the floor with colored dents
i am reminded of the two feet of snow
that held me steady
from going to where i needed to be
when my daddy told me the moon made me beautiful

Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you......

© Copyright 2003 Riley Grant - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
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Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


1 posted 01-12-2003 02:15 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

This is the kind of writing that makes me envious of free-versers.  Your descriptions are so outlandish and creative, Riley... you truly have talent.  Very thought-provoking poem about the existence of promise, sincerity and the existence of truth.

Your choice of title is superb.  This is one of the best I have read from you.

Parasite

"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true.
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Riley
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 07-18-2002
Posts 1122
in the pouring rain


2 posted 01-12-2003 02:26 PM       View Profile for Riley   Email Riley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Riley

Brian: This is the first thing I have written in about a month, so yea....I don't exactly know what I was going for...but I was watching something about a mother and daughter and decided to try daddy and daughter thing, just because dad's never get a second look when it comes to daughters, its always dad and son or mom and daughter. But anywho, thanks a lot for replying....


Riley

Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you......

knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 04-14-2001
Posts 950
obscured vision


3 posted 01-12-2003 04:06 PM       View Profile for knightlyshadows   Email knightlyshadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for knightlyshadows

I haven't read anything from you in the longest time, Riley. I'm glad I found this. I envy you're ability at free verse. It's one of my favourite ways to write, but I can't seem to pull it off anymore. (if I ever did ;p ) One of the main things I did like about this, though, is the fact that you /did/ use the father and daughter bit. You don't see that often.
I really enjoyed these two parts:
quote:
my daddy always told me the moon made me gorgeous...
...from now until i am two i had promised
to be prime and proper
looks like promises can be kept
for two and a half minutes

Loved how you tied it together with the ending and the italics added a nice touch to that line. ^^ Great write Riley. Hope to see you writing more again.
-tiff-

A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.

..You can't fight the tears that aren't coming..

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