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Passions in Poetry

In response to Janet Marie's "Scraps"

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bsquirrel
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0 posted 01-08-2003 06:26 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel

Beach ache

The sea calls the sand,
wets the sky clay.
Brings the ships
and floats the birds
-- both words --
worlds away.

*

Loneliness as a game of need

Lick the sweat off the dice.
Sketch an eye in blood and cards.
Clasp the chair arm tight and roll.
Deal away your digging spade.

*

Shuttering the light

Gray slats construct a view
from which to watch the street.

Through a window growing dusk,
glass and dust and sounds repeat.

Texture of the wood
as light
this late.

*

Two hearts pumping air

Shudder from the swollen cave.

Warm and empty sheets of rain.

[This message has been edited by bsquirrel (01-08-2003 06:34 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 MPC - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
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1 posted 01-08-2003 11:10 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

The sea calls the sand,
wets the sky clay.
==========================

thank you Mikey



~*~


Moths dont care if the flame is real
The moth and flame got a sweetheart deal
Nothing fuels like flirtation
Like need, anger & desperation

A.M.

bsquirrel
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2 posted 01-09-2003 11:57 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

You're so welcome.
Local Parasite
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3 posted 01-09-2003 01:51 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Very cool, Mikey...

Beach Ache - I love this exploration of the sea, the water, the things you attribute to it, the tasks you observe in it... very simple, with a nice little rhyme to it that just helps it flow along.  The play on words/birds/worlds at the end is clever.  B+

Loneliness as a game of need - almost trochaic!  Almost.     Good enough though.  I like the last line, how we deal off that "digging spade" when it's all we have, but we realize it is inadequate.  Loneliness as a game of need - which becomes a game of desire, which becomes a competition for the most desirable.  Dealing away the digging spade is a good way of putting it.  I like this.  A

Shuttering the Light - Seems you became a bit awestruck by the light through your dirty windows.  Light behaves differently in the window, in the morning, on the wood, but I don't see what you're driving at. I keep looking but all I can find is the comparison between the indoors and the outdoors, texture of wood as light this late - dusk does not affect the indoor world?  A window growing dusk - your window to the outside shows you the effects of light dwindling in the evening?  Hard to read, but I might just be an idiot.  B+

Two hearts pumping air - I like the idea of two hearts pumping air.  Goes nice with warm and empty sheets of rain... something that is evident, but inherently meaningless.  You can hear the heart beating, but it beats nothing more than air.  Saying two hearts implies a relationship that has this emptiness, as does the connotative value of "heart."  I like how vague this is, but equally, how true it is.  A+


Parasite

It's amazing the effect ice can have on the world.
~Allysa

bsquirrel
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4 posted 01-09-2003 02:48 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

I PASSED!

As for "Shuttering the light," it's about a shut in, basically, who's afraid to put himself OUTSIDE of the glass, and would rather just see the view from inside without interaction, and therefore without any new experience. Someone afraid of the messiness of life. And I d'nah, I just think it's cool that someone thinks of wood as the texture of light, 'cause that's all they really know.
LoveBug
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5 posted 01-09-2003 07:44 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

You must be honored to have Professor Brian giving you your grades. He'd grade me, but he'd tire of writing big read F's!

Nice scraps! I really liked the first one the best, however. Just reeks of lonliness and sadness and the end of good things... great stuff in poetry, you know!

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.--Jesus Christ

 
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