Tiff, I absolutely love this. Definitely one of my favourites from you.
A whisper lost in the winds of time,
drifting to every corner to be found.
Welled tears leak out, drenching
all in sight, but no one feels the rain.
Flawless introduction. You use so many global concepts like the rain, winds of time, and absolutes like "no one feels the rain..." you start drawing the big picture, the sublime... dwarfing the reader, I love it.
A wail of death filled the land
centuries ago, yet yesterday..
Sunken flesh meets cold of touch,
burnt in sudden inhale of life.
There's great continuity here, you keep with the global theme in "filled the land" and "centuries ago," making the subject matter seem historic and universal. A slow transition into the individual here... "sudden inhale" shifts to the image of one person as opposed to an entire world. This is where your natural talent is obvious.
A birth of loss cringed my heart,
two fold times of misplaced soul.
Escaped to wealth of gilded street,
stole only to blight mine own.
And here you have one stanza about yourself in particular, just one, placed very nicely within the environment you describe earlier. Perfect choice of words, perfectly organized... this is my favourite stanza.
A memory tinged by forgotten scenes,
shaped by love's unforgiving hand.
Wished only to be with once more for
now, wished only to die and have peace.
"A memory tinged by forgotten scenes" is the kind of line that is so perfect it becomes quoted casually later on, like "what a tangled web we weave." I seriously love that line... and the whole stanza. Here your image is drawn back towards the earlier, more global scenery... love's unforgiving hand, suggesting that yours is not the only case...
Tiff, you've astounded me with this piece. I'm going to read this a few times yet, which is what a private library is for, right?
Click, in she goes.
It's amazing the effect ice can have on the world.