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Passions in Poetry

(T)he (D)ating (Ga)me

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Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


0 posted 12-25-2002 01:40 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

(this is completely retarded.  I wrote it while I was waiting for someone to come back from "brb" and the last thing she said was "we should watch it sometime."  I apologize if it seems to make almost no sense, I was trying to shroud everything and make it sound as nonsensical as possible.  Fun with connotational purpose?  I guess so.  But the words sound like they mean what they mean, which is my direction.  Thought you could all use an explanation...)

we should watch it sometime

We all the cold could frisk away
Be merry, chill-and-warm-contrary
Simple, very, naught be merry
And bid you merry christmasday

sounds good to me

You hear it pop, behind-above-beyond
The sound of shrill popcornicopia
I love you, marching-mangled grim dystopia
A murky summer pond to drench our feet
You look like beauty, frazzled-mess'd to-neat

fizz-drinks popcorn and couch-watching-movies
all comfy sweaters in a dim sliding light
eyes transfigured and pointed similar, arms entangled in the (mallow)chill of a calm night


We arms and hands and legs and hanging heads
Perhaps it is by future cast
To introvert the present-past
And all could be, what think of me
What think of we, o what could be?
"A-bippy-moar" the music said
"A-bippy-moar-and-moar"

kept quiet, but kept still, hanging delicately downward, rested wonder-o-window-sill
silly children watching movies like silly children
watching the bird in his plastic black cocoon
spin top-to-back endwise
and being happy


We'll watch it all, few hours still
O wonder, carpent-windows ill

Could be a-more, a happy tone
Sun myself, you are my stone

and being happy

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (12-25-2002 11:27 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
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since 01-08-2000
Posts 5015


1 posted 12-26-2002 11:40 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

How our thoughts can wander when we're discarded by somebody we care about in conversation. What a vivid, emotional journey you have taken us on, my friend. I really enjoyed it...

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.--Jesus Christ

Child of the Stars
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 09-07-2000
Posts 1972
Ann Arbor, MI


2 posted 12-27-2002 11:37 PM       View Profile for Child of the Stars   Email Child of the Stars   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Child of the Stars

What a weirdo. I loved this. Nice use of word-maker-uppering and use of actual words to mean..well..something...weird.
  ~Carly

A ruddy drop of manly blood
The surging sea outweighs;
The world uncertain comes and goes,
The lover rooted stays.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
        

fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


3 posted 12-28-2002 12:30 AM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

I will have to put this into my library especially for further analysis.  The sounds you've chosen to use and the apparent moods in your language are masterfully drawn, I must say.

You hear it pop, behind-above-beyond
The sound of shrill popcornicopia
I love you, marching-mangled grim dystopia
A murky summer pond to drench our feet
You look like beauty, frazzled-mess'd to-neat


This was great.  The end of the first line is almost magical to me, the movement it causes in my mind's eye.

All in all, though perhaps difficult to understand, I think this is an awesome poem.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

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