How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Poetic Haven
 Fat Snowman
 1 2 3 4
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Poet deVine, Martie   (Admins )

User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Fat Snowman

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg

0 posted 12-19-2002 01:08 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Do not deny that snow exists,
Each time it melts by summer's fray
That all are lifted, flown away
Will never turn, the sun insists
That all to upward tone persists
And all to sky will stay.

We capture them, our mittens freeze
A molded-water-winter-clay
It is the colder form we play
That we could, winter wonder, sieze
Our pack'd contraptions, all to please
And all the land to stay.

It is an error to describe
The night in stars that drop and plummet
That downward spin their earthly summit
Our senses to inhale-imbibe
We imitate, but faint become it
O, our earthly tribe.

But we can spin with confidence
Between our toes and fingers wrapt
To see those features vainly trapt
It circumvents our common sense
Our forces bent, our sources tapt
To nature's thin offense

From eye to nose
He's full compos'd

Be righteous, thou abomination
Brag the jewels upon thy belt
That we, thy careful longings, felt
And stretch thy limbs in contemplation
Soon, that shine will boil the nation
Soon, thy form will melt.

And we, whose hands bore carpentry
Will gather in a fram'd array
Regard thy timely skin decay
Those eyes were never true to see
That we, in our debauchery
Compell'd thy form away.

But up-away the harshing sun
With all our mittens clench'd to fists
Each child, in tears, resents/resists
The death of our enlighten'd one
The truth is gone, the fact is done
Be sure that snow exists.

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (12-19-2002 08:51 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382

1 posted 12-19-2002 01:48 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

I'm always amazed at the way you can find depths in such mundane things. But you do, each and every time.

I hope you don't think like this all the time -- that's a burden! Can you imagine lifting up a pen and saying "Ah, me, the written sword of wrath must transcribe the aching blood of souls long past, again."

But you always write wonderful poetry, and I for one will continue reading it.

Incidentally, where does all the white go when snow melts away?
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075

2 posted 12-19-2002 06:50 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

Mikey.. the white goes to make clouds, that's why sometimes they are grey and sometimes black...just like snow...

The poem... Dude, you just always blow me away... I read them, read them again..and sit there not knowing what to say or how to say it. I don't write rhyme nor form..and when I read those that do, I often find myself quickly bored... not the case with you.. I may struggle a time or two trying understand what lies underneath it all.... but I always enjoy.

Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Ascendant
since 01-08-2000
Posts 5015

3 posted 12-22-2002 01:54 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

Lots of the white stuff up where you are, I'm sure...

Anyway... needless to say, this is an amazing piece.. when do you post anything that isn't? I loved the overall theme of the poem, and I agree that it's amazing that you find things like that in.. well, snow! It shows your depth and intelligence. What is it like to live in such a world, Brian, where every little thing is worth having a novel written about it?

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you.--Jesus Christ

Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032

4 posted 12-29-2002 07:45 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

This is some really neat stuff.  Your exploration of concepts such as human domination over nature is quite indepth.  You do well in pointing out the final end of snow, no matter what form it may be participating in.  It all ends up melting again.

As far as your poetic technique is concerned, you may wish to begin trying to get your work published if you haven't already.  You've done a great job creating verse that isn't very forced.

However, I still wonder about why you chose the rather archaic language for your descriptions of the snowman.  I wonder a bit about how much place that language has in your poem.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

Local Parasite will be notified of replies
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Sanctuary >> Poetic Haven >> Fat Snowman Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard


pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary

© Passions in Poetry and 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors