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Passions in Poetry

Inquisitive Boy

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Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


0 posted 12-14-2002 06:30 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Hold steady thy ears, that I grant thee a tale
Hardly tale, neither fiction nor story
Of a child in the woods, and a watering-pail
That held innocence bound in its glory.

Twas a love that had flourish'd in beauty and truth
In the winter of five-sixty-one
Of two lovers, adjoin'd in the crimson of youth
Where, in copulence, life would be spun.

While a miracle, bless'd are the young who abstain
From the pleasures of lovers combined
So her body was cloak'd from the eyes of the swain
That suspicion not tend to his mind.

For her lover, he knew, and he long'd for the touch
Of her bodily tissues to his
But too young to be father, and simple, as such
What a shame, our fertility is.

Though perhaps, were she built of more notable girth
T'would be less of an obvious ailing
Nay, she fled from her love to the ends of the earth
That he not catch her myst'ry in failing.

And he ran to the city, in passion'd pursuit
Thinking well what misfortune ail'd she,
But the buds of his search would bear nothing of fruit
What a sorrowful being, grew he.

And with sun ever-setting, and search ever-flaw'd
He collaps'd in a slump, in the street
At the tip of his breath, with a foot weary-trod
The young fellow admitted defeat.

Bitten cruelly by love, and with visions all tatter'd
He breathed, that he scream out her name
But so sweet to his ear, all the silence was shatter'd
When his was emitted, in same.

Coulds't thou see it thyself, thou woulds't faintly believe
With what vigor he shot to his stance
And perus'd all the street, on that shadowy eve
All with sureness awake in his glance.

Once arrived at the source, he advanced himself through
As the fruits of her illness were lifted
He look'd back to her eyes, in apology true
As "I love you" was utter'd, she drifted.

And it raptur'd the man, as those innocent eyes
Were cast backward, again ne'er to pain her
Still he could not return that last smile she surmis'd
With the shame that his lovings had slain her.

Were it not for the cries of the child they had bore
He'd have dropt, and sent cries of his own
But to look o'er the face of that beast of adore
Rest assur'd him, he'd ne'er be alone.

He declar'd to the gathering, "I claim this child"
With disdain and sincerity parch
So sincerely and sudden his mourning beguiled
He neglected the funeral march.

Without tears of regret, he brought homeward his son
To the cabin, for love he'd secured
And they grew there, for fourteen a merciless sun
For fourteen such sunlight obscured.

He the gath'rer of meat, and his son, that of water
Each task, they endeavour'd with joy
Fill'd with questions, the younger -- in laughter, his father
Declar'd him "inquisitive boy."

My dear reader, if I spoke of musings and tales
I'd be tempted gay endings, conclude -
But alas, were the story of watering-pails
I'd have nothing for ballads accrued.

It is sad, such a love amongst father and son
I decree to be precious and rare
And tis tragic, this innocence, scarcely begun
That a battle t'ween strangers did tear.

Up the hill t'wards the cabin, with water at side
And a smile of expectance at lip
On that day, he was welcom'd by furious pride
That, from treetop to treetop, did flip.

It was wond'rous to him, that his cabin lay sore
As though shatter'd, an object of bother
In a rush of those vandalous wagers of war
And an arrow had pierc'd through his father.

In the embers of what was once mellow and green
Lay his mentor, in mortal collapse
And he dropt all his water, and rush'd to the scene
'Fore his father, to darkness was laps'd.

There he knelt in a state of bewilderment, shock'd
All such tragedies, all but unknown
Like a child, he cradled his father, and rock'd
Him to lullaby, still as a stone.

And the man was reviv'd, for an instant of life
That he gaze 'pon the face of his child
He said once, "worry not, I will rest with my wife"
And submitting to darkness, he smiled.

Knowing well what was taught, most important to he
Was to love, and spread love as he could
That inquisitive boy, thinking promise to be
Then departed the smoldering wood.

Pressing forth, he abandon'd the flickering wild
And thought not of his grievings to grieve
T'was a gift to the world, this misfortunate child
That was born on that shadowy eve.

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (12-15-2002 03:29 AM).]

© Copyright 2002 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
knightlyshadows
Senior Member
since 04-14-2001
Posts 950
obscured vision


1 posted 12-18-2002 01:32 AM       View Profile for knightlyshadows   Email knightlyshadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for knightlyshadows

This was a sad, sad piece Brian. But one that you wrote very well. Lovely story you've told dear.
I loved this:
quote:
He said once, "worry not, I will rest with my wife"
And submitting to darkness, he smiled.

Everyone deserves a love like that. yesh ^^

A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.

..You can't fight the tears that aren't coming..

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


2 posted 12-18-2002 02:22 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

You make me read, think and feel.

Some are only capable of two.

I loved this long thing. Now let's get poets back here again!

Mike
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


3 posted 06-12-2003 12:01 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Lookie what the moth found while looking thru
back pages for buried treasure.


T'was a gift to the world, this misfortunate child
That was born on that shadowy eve.

=================================

As is the day this poet was born

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


4 posted 06-12-2003 12:52 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

arrrghhh...... why'd you have to pull this up?  

Only an evil moth like you would drag back my less than favourites from their deep hideaways...

Well, guess what, I'm gonna write something decent soon, trust me...
ESP
Member Elite
since 01-25-2000
Posts 2574
Floating gently on a cloud....


5 posted 06-12-2003 06:43 AM       View Profile for ESP   Email ESP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ESP

What, this isn't decent? I loved it I really really enjoyed it...was thinking that you will probably be in modern poetry anthologies before long, of the Norton variety...
This one seemed so smooth and flowing that it felt like treading water in the sea, when the waves bob you up and down and up and down and....just so gently....
I'll shut up now!
Luv, Liz xxx

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


6 posted 06-12-2003 07:38 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Twas a love that had flourish'd in beauty and truth
In the winter of five-sixty-one
Of two lovers, adjoin'd in the crimson of youth
Where, in copulence, life would be spun.

While a miracle, bless'd are the young who abstain
From the pleasures of lovers combined
So her body was cloak'd from the eyes of the swain
That suspicion not tend to his mind.

For her lover, he knew, and he long'd for the touch
Of her bodily tissues to his
But too young to be father, and simple, as such
What a shame, our fertility is.
===========================

Bitten cruelly by love, and with visions all tatter'd
He breathed, that he scream out her name
But so sweet to his ear, all the silence was shatter'd
When his was emitted, in same.

Coulds't thou see it thyself, thou woulds't faintly believe
With what vigor he shot to his stance
And perus'd all the street, on that shadowy eve
All with sureness awake in his glance.

Once arrived at the source, he advanced himself through
As the fruits of her illness were lifted
He look'd back to her eyes, in apology true
As "I love you" was utter'd, she drifted.

And it raptur'd the man, as those innocent eyes
Were cast backward, again ne'er to pain her
Still he could not return that last smile she surmis'd
With the shame that his lovings had slain her.

Were it not for the cries of the child they had bore
He'd have dropt, and sent cries of his own
But to look o'er the face of that beast of adore
Rest assur'd him, he'd ne'er be alone.

==============================

Evil moth??? no no no....
moth in worship
See this one thru my eyes and then you will realize.

Yes, I know...we never like going back and looking at our older stuff...but this ones a beauty of rhyme divine and deserves it credit due.
Its my job you know
So the moth (not so patiently) awaits for your next offering.
LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 01-08-2000
Posts 5015


7 posted 06-15-2003 10:43 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

What a good thing to read on Father's day...

What a beautiful story! I really love how you tell this.. I love the point as well, that every life is important and is a positive addition to the world, even if it isn't always planned, wanted, or perfect!

Oh, make me Thine forever
And should I fainting be
Lord, let me never ever
Outlive my love for Thee

Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-09-1999
Posts 2307
In an upside-down garden


8 posted 06-16-2003 01:46 PM       View Profile for Allysa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allysa

Your critique message simply says to think aloud, so I am going to try to do that.

First of all... in the first stanza, I enjoy the enticement.

"Hold steady thy ears, that I grant thee a tale"  this line reminds me of a storyteller grabbing the attention of small children and for some reason makes me think of pirates.

I also like the part that says "neither fiction nor story" because it is a different way of saying something is not fiction, but it's not fact without actually saying neither fiction nor fact.  I feel the fiction nor fact thing gets repetative and you did a good job of not doing that.

In the second stanza, I like the last two lines bunches.  I don't know why exactly, I just like the flow of the words and what not.

I love the next five stanzas... and I absolutely adore the "Bitten cruelly by love" stanza, I believe it's one of my favorites in this piece.

I also like the lines "He look'd back to her eyes, in apology true
                              As "I love you" was utter'd, she drifted."  

This reply is getting rather boring, isn't it?  I'll be back later.. All in all... I absolutely loved this.
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