Hmm, I like Ron's revision, but I think it's mostly a revision of style and not of quality. I doubt you are seeking a change in style so I'll applaud Ron's effort and look at the poem myself...
adding worry and anguish
to this sordid tale.
The city lights flicker as
people hurry by
and I watch.
from my sill far above.
I especially like the italics on "perched." It brings it to attention, which the isolation of it (linewise) already does. You use a lot of nouns that seem kind of plain, like "people" and "anguish." An adjective or two would really spice up this stanza.
Lying in these false claims
That's a sentence fragment. I would rephrase it.
What have I done now?
and sadness tunes
My head hurts and still
Happy birthday girl,
how can I hurt you more?
You have a double-meaning of the word "still." Maybe make it a bit more evident, not the same way you brought out "perched," but somehow? I'd like to see it a bit more noticable.
Still love this poem. All of your poetry matches your username -- acknowledgement without retaliation. Quiet death.
And it's whispered beneath every verse you compose.
Waiting on your next,
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.