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Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 06-10-2001
Posts 1316
the wonderful land of oz

0 posted 12-02-2002 11:31 PM       View Profile for quietlydying   Email quietlydying   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for quietlydying

Lost amidst the sea of sacrificed minds
and fruit dehydrators.
Hes bought me out
with a cheap uniform and stock options.
Selling my soul, snatching the pass
to that great fluorescent lighting store

I wander aimlessly, through the hours
and days
of my cavity-laden existence.
Who am I to kid?
A simple-minded child
with sticky hands and a
rubber stamped dream.
[A sleeveless shrug.]

After all,
it came in the fortune cookie.

[[[now i'm just curious if anyone can get the full meaning out of this.  heh.  it's not the most intelligent or poetic piece, but hell, it's a poem.  hahaha.]]]


i'm so bitterly disappointed.  betty, i think it's time you leave now.

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (12-02-2002 11:33 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 jennifer elizabeth - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 12-02-2002 11:39 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

you don't like your job?  that's what I got out of it... heh.

Ah, don't despair.  You're going to UW next year.  I can show you the ropes, we can have lunch together, I'll even embarass you in front of everyone by pretending to be your boyfriend.  It'll be loads of fun, you'll see.

Only you, Jen... only you could write a poem about how you hate your job, and make it sound poetic and deep... even if you have a disclaimer... you're not fooling anyone with all that.  

And how come your work always reads so modern?  


Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
~Aldous Huxley

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075

2 posted 12-03-2002 04:36 PM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

I truly enjoy your talent at expressing yourself and of creating images. You have layered this nicely so the metahpors and images can take on meanings in the readers mind to match their own experience.

nicely done Jen.

Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382

3 posted 12-03-2002 06:54 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

I worked at Wal*mart for four semesters once. I know th' pain of which you speak.

Not to mention, I have my screen so dark that your eyes sort of disappear into holes in your picture, giving a nice "Wal*mart is suckin' my soul away" effect.

Member Ascendant
since 08-07-2001
Posts 5716

4 posted 12-03-2002 08:12 PM       View Profile for Duncan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Duncan of those nightmares that keeps on giving.  I liked the fortune cookie twist.
Member Ascendant
since 03-25-2001
Posts 6045
swimming in fairy floss.......

5 posted 12-29-2002 10:44 PM       View Profile for cherish   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for cherish

I have NO idea what this is about. Though I read Brian's reply and formed some idea. I spoke to Lizzy a few minutes ago and she said that you've a new job, so if this *is* about your job, well Im glad it's over with

I have to say that I couldnt quite connect with this poem as well as I could with your others. But you still made good use of imagery. Thanks for this Jen

Are you scared?                                      BOO! Are you now?

Tramp Poet
Senior Member
since 01-06-2000
Posts 786
Could Be Anywhere...

6 posted 12-31-2002 03:20 AM       View Profile for Tramp Poet   Email Tramp Poet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Tramp Poet's Home Page   View IP for Tramp Poet

cracked open by a self-imposed masters hand,
our fortune pulled out and exposed for the
childish desires of our cookie-cutter lives?
lol or was i reading myself into it?
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032

7 posted 01-02-2003 04:47 AM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

I think this is a piece critiquing the almost religious practice of consumerism in our society today.  Firstly you mention the sacrifice of minds and the the dehydration of fruit, suggesting ritual sacrifice followed by a sense of moral decay through the image of the machines for draining the "juice" from fruit.

Secondly we find reference to the soul and a vague allusion to heaven in the idea of the "great fluorescent lighting store / above."  This suggests an upward struggle of each individual for this ultimately commercial entity above us.

In the next stanza there is little religious imagery, leaving me to suspect that the speaker is moving on to a harsh reality in which there are no "pearly gates" at the end of the road on which he/she has embarked.

The "cavity-laden existence" acts both as an expression of the candy-filled life of this particular child and as a metaphor for the often empty life he/she has chosen in his/her devotion to commercialism.

The sticky hands likely, at face value, allude to the abundance of candy obtained through commercial means.  They bare some resemblance to blood on the hands of a killer alerting us to his guilt.

The rubber stamp kinda stumps me...  Perhaps it has something to do with a teacher telling this child he will go somewhere, through some congradulatory stamped assignment, or perhaps it has to do with mass marketing profiling the child as a good target for advertising.

Finally, the fortune cookie may act to tie the religious undertones in the beginning of the poem with the harsh reality in its latter half.  The fortune cookie is both something we know to be random, but also as something signifying the mystical ideas of luck and magic.  Perhaps the fortune cookie helps the reader to realize that there is merit in both of the presented ways of looking at the speaker's situation.

On the whole, this was a mighty fine poem, brutally satirical as well.

PS:  Hope my "analysis" was close to catching the "real meaning" you wanted us to find..     I look forward to reading other readings of this poem!

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

[This message has been edited by fractal007 (01-02-2003 04:53 AM).]

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