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Passions in Poetry

Limited Beyond You

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Riley
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Senior Member
since 07-18-2002
Posts 1122
in the pouring rain


0 posted 11-29-2002 06:08 PM       View Profile for Riley   Email Riley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Riley


cold fingers
grip
slide across my neck
chilling me
shiver
they call me to follow them
but i beg to differ
resistance
if only dorothy and her black and white
could change all the color
so nothingness could take over
the prime time of life
and slow down
fast paced highways
with eternal crashes
way to many
the oceans could grab us
if they wanted, if
but they won't
why
because we are stuck in the egomaniac rut
our roots planted in the trough
on the edge of the world
to wise
way to naive if you want technical
lashing out the hatered
pulling in the fish you deserve
hoping it's the perfect size to eat
what if
the age old question
the moon fell
would we have all the cheese we wanted
that is if the moon man hasn't ate it all
but then the cows would be usless
throwing us into maddness
of course it's silly
because we know its not true
but what if


Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you......

[This message has been edited by Riley (11-29-2002 06:08 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 Riley Grant - All Rights Reserved
Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


1 posted 01-12-2003 02:42 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

This got a little too silly towards the end.  I think you kind of lost your theme of the abuse of nature.  I do like how you illustrate the exploitation of the planet by the hand of mankind, and also, our reliance on the planet... pulling in the fish, drawing from the trough on the edge of the world, and if the moon fell - well, no tragedy... we'd have all the cheese we wanted.

This is pretty deep, even if the tone is uncertain towards the end.  I like it.

Parasite

"Faith" means the will to avoid knowing what is true.
~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

quietlydying
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the wonderful land of oz


2 posted 01-21-2003 10:22 PM       View Profile for quietlydying   Email quietlydying   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for quietlydying

i think you dribbled on too much at the end [take it from brian].  and the grammar needs a bit more attention.

with all due respect, i believe this poem would read a lot better if you tossed in some punctuation.  anywhere.

thanks for sharing.

/jen/

'Christianity is the complete negation of common sense and sound reason.'
-- Mikhail Bakunin

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