How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Sanctuary
 Poetic Haven
 On Winter Day
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Poet deVine, Martie   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

On Winter Day (tormented love, triumphant hate)

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


0 posted 11-29-2002 02:49 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

(completely unedited.  fifteen minutes worth of spontaneous writing.  enjoy.)

It is a land of colour freeze
It is a room of grey
In wistful woe, upon my knees
I weep on winter day.

As I am young, I faint believe
The madness that I see
That all this life be left to grieve
It is a shame to me.

For poets all have once embrac'd
And bit the fruit of spring
But, beautiful as it may taste,
It is a brittle thing.

The fields, all gemmed and honey-flower'd
Living hues diverse
Of all these things to be devour'd
The air is wilted first.

Those trees that once had stood and clapt
Arrival of the winds
Reduced to chill, that they are snapt
Each time this blow rescinds.

The harbingers of summer scorn
come spitting from the sky
The sun is gone, its children born
And coldly left to die.

The shoots of grass, no more to dance
Or spread their fruitful breath
Now shrivell'd in a wary stance
They hear the chime of death.

I know not why the sweet and shrill
Be rendered terse and bitter
To lay, their bodies ever still
Their caskets all a-glitter.

I feel not why such blanched vice
Could shame the spring's accost
My sympathy is trapt by ice
In frame of winter's frost.

It is the sky's neutrality
that leaves my senses numb'd
Those harps of immortality
Were ne'er so smugly strumm'd.

The snow and sickles fornicate
To ward the warm away
Tormented love, triumphant hate
travers'd the land to-day.
© Copyright 2002 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved
Kielo
Senior Member
since 02-11-2002
Posts 1259


1 posted 11-29-2002 03:24 PM       View Profile for Kielo   Email Kielo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kielo

Wow... I'm very impressed. Your imagery is wonderful, and I thoroughly enjoyed the poem. Well done. (And you said you couldn't write spontaneously...)

Kielo

I'm making my own country, and calling it Nothing. "We're our own country, and Nothing will save us now!"

Riley
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 07-18-2002
Posts 1122
in the pouring rain


2 posted 11-29-2002 03:53 PM       View Profile for Riley   Email Riley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Riley

I like the first stanza, question: if you cried on a winter day wouldn't your tears freeze? LOL, anyway back to the poem....I loved the imaginary in this...only 15 minutes...wow...thats great brian.. ** scans critique message ** me interperate? um....take a rain check shall try later.... Anyway, now I am rambling....O yea...and I did actually like the rhyming ( and rarely do I like that )




Riley

Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you......

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


3 posted 11-29-2002 04:31 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Hey! You did a good job in 15 minutes. This has a 'lyric' rhythm to it.

Why did you want to use this rhyme scheme and not a blank or free verse?
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


4 posted 11-29-2002 04:32 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

I dunno PDV, I guess I'm just in a ballad mood... I write a lot faster with ballads than normally, for some reason.  I dunno.

thanks for the read, everyone.
Kielo
Senior Member
since 02-11-2002
Posts 1259


5 posted 11-29-2002 05:50 PM       View Profile for Kielo   Email Kielo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kielo

Never mind. That was an inane comment. Sorry.

[This message has been edited by Kielo (11-29-2002 05:51 PM).]

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


6 posted 11-29-2002 09:54 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Your style is so classical...

curious? who are your poet heroes?

and? when are ya gonna teach me METER? huh???

This seemed to pour out of you easily. It read that way too. Honey smooth hot toddy with a little bite.

Just the way I like it.
LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 01-08-2000
Posts 5015


7 posted 11-30-2002 04:11 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

This is a beautiful piece... I love your attitude in it and how you express it... especially how you compare the death of love to the death of the things around us in the winter. Great imagery.. good work!

Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


8 posted 12-02-2002 01:43 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Serenity - my poet heroes?  Well there are a few.  Lately I've been into the romantics of the early 1800s... I love the depth and emotion of Wordsworth, for example... but at times I prefer the creative obscurity of Coleridge, or the sensory appeal of Keats... ya know... those guys.

Lots of great stuff.  As for ballads, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner is still the best I've ever read.  
Local Parasite will be notified of replies
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Sanctuary >> Poetic Haven >> On Winter Day Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors