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Passions in Poetry

you and me and the waitress

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Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


0 posted 11-27-2002 07:13 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

we met today at the corridors
and I offered you a coffee
in an attempt to play
catch-up
and you accepted
graciously

we walked into the café
where designer walls
still held stories
of not so long ago

bottled memories
like aging wine
seems to get better
for downing the spirits

“How are you?”
“Fine. Thank you. And You?”
“All right. Busy life,
and the race continues”
I lamented.

And then the waitress
got our coffee
that we didn’t even
need to order
she had remembered us
out of her box
of memories

and she smiled, first hopeful
and then acknowledging
the divide that had
thus grown

perhaps she noticed
the long periods of silence
that rolled cheerlessly
across the space
between us

perhaps she noticed
how things had changed
overhearing the strained talk
and uneasy laughter
that surrounded us

she looked disappointed

perhaps she remembered
the good old days
when we used to sit
hand in hand for hours
staring into each other’s eyes
making unspoken promises
of forever love

well, we sipped our coffee
and I paid the bill
and we slipped out
forcing a smile

“See you one of these days”
and another one of those
routine promises
was made

‘OK’ I said in unsure nods
and “Take care”
I followed in words
© Copyright 2002 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


1 posted 11-27-2002 09:00 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

(smiling) It is amazing to me...how differently you seem to write now than when I first read you.

I truly enjoyed this... I find the form and the wording to be very much in keeping with the story being told, the pace it moves matching the way such meetings take place.
I believe it is my favorite of yours so far..and I have to say BRAVO! for not only telling the story...but for doing it so well!

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


2 posted 11-27-2002 11:04 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

First, I love the title.  

Second, I always thought that narratives in second person, that involve the second person's actions, are kind of pointless... at least in many cases... I see why you were addressing the person, but if they were there, why are you telling them what their own actions were?

I prefer second-person narratives that use words like "when" to describe scenes, and explain things the second person wouldn't have known at the time.  Like "when the waitress got our glasses, she looked disappointed".  I know that exact line isn't in your poem, I'm just giving you some idea of what I mean.

Lovely story though... and I know how it is, to have to spend time with someone that used to mean so much to you... how awkward it is, trying to have a conversation with them, making that routine promise of "some day" after the moment is over.  I hate having to revive people that were once a large part of my life, and disgrace them by having that kind of encounter with them.

Thanks for the read, Sudhir.

Parasite

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
~Aldous Huxley

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 05-18-2001
Posts 29020
Gaia


3 posted 11-27-2002 12:51 PM       View Profile for Midnitesun   Email Midnitesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Midnitesun

Sudhir, you just get better and better. I enjoyed this evocative vignette.
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


4 posted 11-27-2002 03:35 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Yes, but did you tip her? Lovely work, Sudhir.
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


5 posted 12-06-2002 06:45 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Thanks a lot my dear friends for your reads and responses...

I will ponder over this for a while, LP....

Regards,
Sudhir
 
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