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you and me and the waitress
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you and me and the waitress |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium 
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we met today at the corridors and I offered you a coffee in an attempt to play catch-up and you accepted graciously we walked into the café where designer walls still held stories of not so long ago bottled memories like aging wine seems to get better for downing the spirits “How are you?” “Fine. Thank you. And You?” “All right. Busy life, and the race continues” I lamented. And then the waitress got our coffee that we didn’t even need to order she had remembered us out of her box of memories and she smiled, first hopeful and then acknowledging the divide that had thus grown perhaps she noticed the long periods of silence that rolled cheerlessly across the space between us perhaps she noticed how things had changed overhearing the strained talk and uneasy laughter that surrounded us she looked disappointed perhaps she remembered the good old days when we used to sit hand in hand for hours staring into each other’s eyes making unspoken promises of forever love well, we sipped our coffee and I paid the bill and we slipped out forcing a smile “See you one of these days” and another one of those routine promises was made ‘OK’ I said in unsure nods and “Take care” I followed in words |
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| © Copyright 2002 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved | |||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
(smiling) It is amazing to me...how differently you seem to write now than when I first read you. I truly enjoyed this... I find the form and the wording to be very much in keeping with the story being told, the pace it moves matching the way such meetings take place. I believe it is my favorite of yours so far..and I have to say BRAVO! for not only telling the story...but for doing it so well! |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
First, I love the title. Second, I always thought that narratives in second person, that involve the second person's actions, are kind of pointless... at least in many cases... I see why you were addressing the person, but if they were there, why are you telling them what their own actions were? I prefer second-person narratives that use words like "when" to describe scenes, and explain things the second person wouldn't have known at the time. Like "when the waitress got our glasses, she looked disappointed". I know that exact line isn't in your poem, I'm just giving you some idea of what I mean. Lovely story though... and I know how it is, to have to spend time with someone that used to mean so much to you... how awkward it is, trying to have a conversation with them, making that routine promise of "some day" after the moment is over. I hate having to revive people that were once a large part of my life, and disgrace them by having that kind of encounter with them. Thanks for the read, Sudhir. Parasite Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Sudhir, you just get better and better. I enjoyed this evocative vignette. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Yes, but did you tip her?  Lovely work, Sudhir. |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Thanks a lot my dear friends for your reads and responses... I will ponder over this for a while, LP.... Regards, Sudhir |
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