The last two lines are iambic tetrameter. SEE?? You're a natural, you can't get away from it.
This is one of those personal poems, but I'm going to keep in key with the philosophy of Sanctuary and give some structural comments anyways.
First of all, I think you brought up the whole "I went out tonight" thing a bit too late in the poem. By then I was comfortable with the abstract, non-physical content of the poem. Then you changed it to a description of visual event, from a description of mental state, and that bothered me. I think you should have strayed from the description of state a little more gradually. Maybe describe your physical state first, and use that to move into physical event...
You gotta remember to keep your poems unified... if you start out one way, make a shift into the other, not a jump... a shift.
Thanks for posting this here. I wouldn't have expected you to post something like this in the sanctuary, but that's fine... it's a sanctuary... hugs all around. I would offer you comfort but that would be something you would read tomorrow. You're asleep right now.
Dream sweetly, Erica. And wake up smiling.
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.