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Passions in Poetry

Song in train station

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bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


0 posted 11-13-2002 01:10 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel

Words essence
preclude distance.

Comfort waits
below other waves.

A much more delicate
map to resurface.

Icicles fall to
tracks, roads and staves.

Shivering, yes.
He does not show it.

Smoking a cigarette
to its nub.

Thoughts of dreams
and holding patterns.

He trained the wheel --
now he trains its hub.

Cracked and frayed.
A gentle listen.

Seated station,
chords made of smoke.

Hollows filled
warmly inside him.

This is his song
of which she spoke.

[This message has been edited by bsquirrel (11-13-2002 01:31 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 MPC - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


1 posted 11-13-2002 07:44 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

*Words essence
preclude distance.

Comfort waits
below other waves.

A much more delicate
map to resurface.*
==============================


Seated station,
chords made of smoke.

Hollows filled
warmly inside him.

This is his song
of which she spoke.

==============================


my oh my how I loved those first three!!!
your poetry soothes something in me that I dont even have a mothy name for at the moment

No one has ever shown me how to see the world the way I see it now ...
and I never saw blue like that before.

~Tom Kimmel~

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


2 posted 11-14-2002 11:43 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Glad my words touch you, Janet.

Mike
wranx
Member Elite
since 06-07-2002
Posts 3778
Moved from a shack to a barn


3 posted 11-14-2002 02:10 PM       View Profile for wranx   Email wranx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wranx

Nice journeying Mikey.


Ed
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


4 posted 11-14-2002 08:03 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

You've been pretty quiet lately Mike. I like every line here!
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


5 posted 11-15-2002 01:32 AM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

The imagery here is fantastic... a delight to read

Maree
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


6 posted 11-15-2002 01:29 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Thanks everyone. Uh huh, I've been quiet, all right. So busy!

I'm glad you all enjoyed.

Mikey
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


7 posted 11-18-2002 01:49 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Love it... another peek into the soul of a characterized figure... seems you like to use case studies in your poems, Mike.  

I have to say the last couplet is a bit redundant, saying "his" song of which "he" spoke.  I think it'd simply sound better if you made it say "the song of which he spoke" instead.  Just my humble opinion, of course.

Parasite

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
~Aldous Huxley

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


8 posted 11-18-2002 03:32 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

I'm glad you enjoyed this, LP. Take another look at the last line. "This is his song/of which she spoke."
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


9 posted 11-18-2002 03:53 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

OH... sorry man... sometimes I read stuff aloud to myself, and "of which she spoke" sounds very similar to "of which he spoke."  SO I was remembering it as "of which he spoke."

Embarassing for me... heh... sorry.
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


10 posted 11-18-2002 04:01 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Not a problem, Parasite. I'm just happy that you took time out of your day and used it to read and reply to some of my poems here. Thank you.
 
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