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Passions in Poetry

In Beautiful, Desolate L.A.

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bsquirrel
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


0 posted 11-08-2002 03:02 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel

wet ended kiss
castbackward shadows
early morning mist

washed out gray streets
cars waiting, chasing
rainy green lights

her birthstone was strawberry
she wore sunlight here in morning
like a shoot outgrown its soil

did she move? she didn't move
she found a way to write
poems to the sea

she loved those afternoons

did she move? she didn't move
did she lose? she didn't win
she wrote under that palm tree

it's dead, should be cut down
imagine holding its dried brown fronds
skirting away on the hot wind

oh, she loved cypress stands

long, in green rows like giants' teeth
she imagined she was a bird
hopping above their gums

a single harm in the darkness
handset cord looped, shining
words rejecting dreams

would she wash out, a stain?
stand gleaming in the rain?
it doesn't rain much here

god, the way she wore solace
loneliness is not a pain, a chain,
a chance to recover your will

god, the way she wore sorrow
mercy is not a name, a flame,
a prayer's chance in hell

the way she wore her need,
like evening;
like bleeding

i'll walk on the wet pressed sand
right near the tide,
its overlapping ribbons

(she is made of water now,
sunlight made of foam)

and california roam

[This message has been edited by bsquirrel (11-08-2002 03:13 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 MPC - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


1 posted 11-08-2002 06:11 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

her birthstone was strawberry
she wore sunlight here in morning
like a shoot outgrown its soil


did she move? she didn't move
she found a way to write
poems to the sea

she loved those afternoons


========================
would she wash out, a stain?
stand gleaming in the rain?
it doesn't rain much here

god, the way she wore solace
loneliness is not a pain, a chain,
a chance to recover your will

god, the way she wore sorrow
mercy is not a name, a flame,
a prayer's chance in hell

the way she wore her need,
like evening;
like bleeding

i'll walk on the wet pressed sand
right near the tide,
its overlapping ribbons

(she is made of water now,
sunlight made of foam)

and california roam

================================


and I say..god the way you write....
damn i love this poem....


god, the way she wore solace
loneliness is not a pain, a chain,
a chance to recover your will

god, the way she wore sorrow
mercy is not a name, a flame,
a prayer's chance in hell

the way she wore her need,
like evening;
like bleeding


those verses are so emotively awesome...
*shaking my head at you in admire*

and these lines.....


i'll walk on the wet pressed sand
right near the tide,
its overlapping ribbons

sunlight made of foam)


thats it!! EXACTLY..I saw it...I walked in them..the sand, the "ribbons" and "sunlit foam"

and it was sooooooooo amazing...and you just wrote it and let us see it and feel it with less than 20 words.


you rock..and it rolls me......

Would you understand my mothy intent, if I said you write like the Beatles and Dylan...light years ahead of their time?

thank you for the view of blue  



No one has ever shown me how to see the world the way I see it now ...
and I never saw blue like that before.

~Tom Kimmel~


[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (11-08-2002 06:13 PM).]

Sunshine
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Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


2 posted 11-09-2002 09:10 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


Ok, now the question...

did you write this for Janet Marie
or did you write it for Martie?
wranx
Member Elite
since 06-07-2002
Posts 3778
Moved from a shack to a barn


3 posted 11-10-2002 01:12 AM       View Profile for wranx   Email wranx   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wranx

OK! you got to stop this kinda thing RIGHT NOW!

This is just
Too
Damned
Good

No kidding Mikey, I've read you for months now and your writing (if not yourself) has moved to a better place.

Ed

[This message has been edited by wranx (11-10-2002 01:13 AM).]

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


4 posted 11-10-2002 07:34 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

me thinks he wrote it for him first, & those who needed to see the hues of blue from his enlightened view.

No one has ever shown me how to see the world the way I see it now ...
and I never saw blue like that before.

~Tom Kimmel~

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


5 posted 11-11-2002 11:45 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Glad you all enjoyed. This is actually a revision of two older poems. I combined them into one and removed some redundancies, strengthened the story.

M.
Sunshine
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Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


6 posted 11-11-2002 01:57 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


Yes, you did!  :clapping;
LoveBug
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since 01-08-2000
Posts 5015


7 posted 11-11-2002 02:22 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

This is so awesome, so deep, so beautiful. I love this so much!!!

Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


8 posted 11-12-2002 11:51 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Thank you both.
Local Parasite
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Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


9 posted 11-18-2002 01:43 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

The title really grabbed me by the ears.  I've wanted to read this for a while but was always too lazy to go right ahead and open the link.

Glad I did now.  I admit I didn't know what to expect by this poem, but reading it didn't disappoint me in the least.  I love your description of the city, as an introduction to the story... you made the city contrast so well with the story's central character.

The ending is definitely breathtaking... you depart from the dreary city image into a walk-on-the-beach kinda thing, which seems conclusive as it matches the character a lot better.  "She is made of water now."  I just love that... very beautifully expressed.  As if to say, she is no longer pinned down by this dreary city.  She is where she belongs.

I just love this poem... you're a talented writer and we could all learn a lot from your work, Mike.  I'm going to keep this in my private library.

Parasite


Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
~Aldous Huxley

[This message has been edited by Local Parasite (11-18-2002 01:43 PM).]

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


10 posted 11-18-2002 01:45 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

I always forget to click the library button.
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


11 posted 11-18-2002 03:34 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Thank you, Parasite. Your reply is touching. I'm honored that you read of this poem so deeply. Thank you.
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


12 posted 11-30-2002 01:04 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

test
quietlydying
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 06-10-2001
Posts 1316
the wonderful land of oz


13 posted 12-11-2002 01:27 AM       View Profile for quietlydying   Email quietlydying   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for quietlydying

even the title is beautiful.

i read it awhile back, and then came back for a reread.

it's simply amazing.  and you never heard this from me, but i almost feel intimidated by these words.  there is nothing i could possibly say that would do this piece justice.  my favourite of your work, as of yet.

/jen/

'i don't care if it hurts, i want to have control.  i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul.'  [radiohead]

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


14 posted 12-11-2002 02:12 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Jen - check out "Acoustic Guitar."  I still think it's his best.  
Martie
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Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


15 posted 12-11-2002 10:01 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Mikey

The images so filled and fresh, you catch a mood that is tender, almost tragic, then turn it into magic.  Loved this one!  and what you did with the original, you did good improve here.  
quietlydying
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since 06-10-2001
Posts 1316
the wonderful land of oz


16 posted 12-11-2002 11:13 AM       View Profile for quietlydying   Email quietlydying   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for quietlydying

will do.  

/jen/

'i don't care if it hurts, i want to have control.  i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul.'  [radiohead]

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


17 posted 12-11-2002 11:52 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Thank you all!
 
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