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Passions in Poetry

The Sacrificial--Damned

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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


0 posted 09-24-2002 04:22 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for serenity blaze

With the advice I offered once,
I scrape this edge of knife on stone.

Let me gather hem of skirt
in freedom of a foot's last dance...

Prod the embers of the coal
and bellow one last breath of fight.

Take this visage from my mind--
forsake the tremble of despair.

Cut through scars of wound afore--
where pain no more can quicken me.

Take this advice I offered once--
the smell of blood upon hot stone.

I die the fool in sacrifice--
by edge of knife that cuts to bone.
© Copyright 2002 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
anonymousfemale
Member Ascendant
since 02-02-2000
Posts 6304
Limbo


1 posted 09-24-2002 07:13 AM       View Profile for anonymousfemale   Email anonymousfemale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymousfemale

Some hard hitting statements in here, Serenity, all of which I enjoyed. The imagery is overflowing which is another big bonus in the colourful book of poetry goodness for me.

Much enjoyed. Thanks for the read.

~AF~

"No wonder I do not make people comfortable. I am a mirror. I have far too many things to say." - Mouthing the Words

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 06-05-2001
Posts 12075


2 posted 09-24-2002 09:13 AM       View Profile for Cpat Hair   Email Cpat Hair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cpat Hair

hmmmm... self sacrifice??

vivid and strong wording... perhaps showing the hurt and angst underneath that motivated...
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


3 posted 09-24-2002 02:02 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Sen,
This poem
is its own advice.
brian madden
Member Elite
since 05-06-2000
Posts 4532
ireland


4 posted 09-24-2002 07:25 PM       View Profile for brian madden   Email brian madden   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for brian madden

die the fool in sacrifice--
by edge of knife that cuts to bone.


K,these words are wieled like a sword, graceful, precise and deadly. powerful write.

Too early for the rainbow, too early for the dove These are the final days, this is the darkness, this is the flood
L cohen

Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


5 posted 04-16-2003 05:38 PM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

Very dark and poignant... I especially like the way you brought it full-circle in your concluding two lines...

Really good poem, this one... I think it deserves a place on page 1.

Parasite

God becomes as
we are that we
may be as he
is
~William Blake

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


6 posted 04-16-2003 06:13 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

chuckling--every now and then I haunt myself. Meaning, that I write so much I forget what I posted, and I am truly startled when something pops up later!

But I am glad this one was found worthy of a trip to the top again--I thank you brian for taking the time to read and you KNOW I value your opinion highly, so thank you!
fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


7 posted 04-19-2003 04:30 AM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

Interesting poem with a sort of ironic tone.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

 
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