The Sacrificial--Damned - pipTalk Forums

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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2002-09-24 04:22 AM

With the advice I offered once,
I scrape this edge of knife on stone.

Let me gather hem of skirt
in freedom of a foot's last dance...

Prod the embers of the coal
and bellow one last breath of fight.

Take this visage from my mind--
forsake the tremble of despair.

Cut through scars of wound afore--
where pain no more can quicken me.

Take this advice I offered once--
the smell of blood upon hot stone.

I die the fool in sacrifice--
by edge of knife that cuts to bone.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

1 posted 2002-09-24 07:13 AM

Some hard hitting statements in here, Serenity, all of which I enjoyed. The imagery is overflowing which is another big bonus in the colourful book of poetry goodness for me.

Much enjoyed. Thanks for the read.

~AF~

"No wonder I do not make people comfortable. I am a mirror. I have far too many things to say." - Mouthing the Words

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

2 posted 2002-09-24 09:13 AM

hmmmm... self sacrifice??

vivid and strong wording... perhaps showing the hurt and angst underneath that motivated...

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

3 posted 2002-09-24 02:02 PM

Sen,
This poem
is its own advice.

brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

4 posted 2002-09-24 07:25 PM

die the fool in sacrifice--
by edge of knife that cuts to bone.

K,these words are wieled like a sword, graceful, precise and deadly. powerful write.

Too early for the rainbow, too early for the dove These are the final days, this is the darkness, this is the flood
L cohen

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

5 posted 2003-04-16 05:38 PM

Very dark and poignant... I especially like the way you brought it full-circle in your concluding two lines...

Really good poem, this one... I think it deserves a place on page 1.

Parasite

God becomes as
we are that we
may be as he
is
~William Blake

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

6 posted 2003-04-16 06:13 PM

chuckling--every now and then I haunt myself. Meaning, that I write so much I forget what I posted, and I am truly startled when something pops up later!

But I am glad this one was found worthy of a trip to the top again--I thank you brian for taking the time to read and you KNOW I value your opinion highly, so thank you!

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

7 posted 2003-04-19 04:30 AM

Interesting poem with a sort of ironic tone.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
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