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Passions in Poetry

Dust on Forgotten Memories

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Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


0 posted 08-31-2002 09:54 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Poet deVine



She watched the shadows in the trees
And thought she saw him standing there
But with a shift of moonlight flurry
She realized the orchard was bare

Each day passed and still he did not come
His whispered promises began to fade
She stood at the window watching for him
Growing more and more dismayed

As the years passed she grew to know
Bitter truth built from his silken lies
And realized her heart was thrown away
By a man who sought no loverís ties

Her wrinkled face grew bitter and gray
Still she searched for him amid the trees
Her view of life now amber hued
Seen through the dust of forgotten memories


***


Note: Still trying to write..I'm not at all pleased with this and am not looking for praise...any suggestions would be helpful.
© Copyright 2002 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


1 posted 09-04-2002 03:31 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

It is a lovely portrait Sharon...and I won't have YOU talking to y'self either!

The only suggestion I can think of, is that I would like more insight to her inner thought, perhaps through some clever metaphor using the analogy of the orchard...perhaps harvest, or even some sort of slash-n-burn reference--but that's just ME--I'm trying to stop beating folks over the head with my words...sigh...

Hugs, you.
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


2 posted 09-04-2002 03:49 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Hey, stop trying to extract bad from this good.

If you don't like it, all I can suggest is the meter's a bit jumpy. But I find all your poems have something I can take away with me.

*eating from the orchard*

Mike
 
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