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for John
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for John |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods 
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congratulations. you have managed to infect nearly every thing in the apartment. the cat is painful to be around (well, besides gouging out my heels when I try to pass in the hall): she loved you so much. and the groceries… I couldn’t eat this morning because when would I next share a shopping cart and have you hit me with produce? I almost choked on the banana I’d peeled… sigh. choking! … the way you’d make me gag on whatever I was eating, or snort liquids: the very first night I met you, there was soda in my nose Everywhere there are little bare pockets where should be your shoes, left over mugs, caked bottoms, packages of cigarettes, your keys, a shirt shrugged off and slung to the couch (done in the long patch of morning borne to insomniacs), a forgotten pick at the jeep turning from driveway to road (yes, recognize the sound, like the dog) there was a sinking I had predicted but not primed for: stood at the window and just bawled like a little girl Nic was already on a grief cleaning spree so I joined and we folded laundry and aligned objects already in place (I thought about scouring the bathroom again but you left your soap and I couldn’t stand to have that smell on my hands all day) she half~laughed passing me in the kitchen as I swirled the sponge that acts as our fifth appendage “By the time we’re finished with this house, the walls are going to be repainted.” I wander down the hall to the room that should Still. Be. Yours. dammit. reflex affectionate instinct expecting to find you, I guess sitting, smoking or testing out a new core progression god! five more minutes... to curl up on your bed (sheets never fitting) and listen to you play or create and explode packaged statements moments would satisfy, given that I could still pretend these last nights, during all tributary conversations, grin at you from behind glass denial & just enjoy the hell out of it … but when you closed the guitar case all walls were crushed. it’s barely 8:30 and I’ve already come across a hundred things missing that make this house less and I don’t want to stop writing until I can find words that are silly and sentimental enough or box in my own declarations that explain how hilarious and genuine you are how you fill a house and touch everything around you and, if by one stupid poem I could make you step out from under that stubborn humble temperament long enough to realize that a person alone may not be profound or “amazing” but the effect they have on others certainly can be prove it’s not exaggeration or melodrama or emotional elevation... by simply being. what. you. are. you've allowed me to see the person I want to be, and have given me what I need to slowly become you make me honest, aware, draw me out of my self-absorption, strike such contrary ideas into my head that I can’t help but feel enlightened by the contrast you have changed me without any intention, brought out the very best in me, have perhaps even given me the motivation to conceive of qualities that were not latently in existence and, my god, I have never laughed so hard and with such earnestness in my entire life, you make my goddamn diaphragm ache because you are so blatantly flawed, lol, and accept with such simultaneous grace and clumsiness (by seeming to stumble across self-realizations) your own fallibility, ~grin~ by celebrating inconsistencies I have learned to love someone because of their imperfections, not in spite of them and, yes, (impossibly) after the smallest time, a week over two little months, I do love you Eros to Agape and want so much for you to see how wonderful you are if even just in the eyes of the cleaning freaks of this house and I’m glad this is text, because, were this not a poem you’d sit there with a near glower on your face and change the subject lol so, listen, because you have to, to these glowing words and know the truth of them you are dearly missed… without any physical reminder needed (left or lost), but god forbid I glance at the coffee maker. [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (07-10-2002 02:19 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Megs - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
and, if by one stupid poem I could make you step out from that stubborn humble temperament and force you to see that a person themselves may not be profound or "amazing" but the effect they have on others certainly can be prove that it's not exaggeration or melodrama or emotional elevation that by simply Being. What. You. Are. you allow me to see the person I want to be that the person you are has given me what I need to slowly become you make me honest, aware, draw me out of my self-absorption, strike such contrary ideas into my head that I can't help but feel enlightened by the contrast, you have changed me without any intention, brought out the very best in me, ========================================== OH My God.................. I felt every word of this as if I knew and loved him.......... heal in your words and in the purge... I dont even really know what to say.... to speak of this kind of pain up as poetic compliment or critique seems cruel. heart-hug Poetess.... very very talented poetess......... jm |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
~shaking head~ compliments for this don't seem deserved... ~smile~ but jm, wish I could explain... how your reply helps. As if purging wasn't truly complete until it was heard... you've lightened my spirits, honest. Thank you So. Much. for your reply... which was short and sincere, and, in that, perfect. (and, on a side note, for whatever reason, I feel the need to explain that it's only a loss of proximity, and it’s such a small weight on my shoulders, comparatively … to the others affected, my condolences and such admiration for your necessary strength & restraint. I'm so sorry I can't do more.) |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
quote: yes....that is it exactly...for the pain must be validated before the wound can begin to heal. For when we know that the words were felt and that someone else knows this pain, then we dont feel so alone...and when we know others have been here and found their way back, it give us that same path. I am grateful and relieved that you felt my reply's true intend ... there was no way for me to be able to step back from such a heart wrenchingly honest and beautiful outpouring of such deeply personal emotions to be able to look at poetic merits. It just didnt seem appropriate. I know the emotional cost of writing from this depth...I also know the need to do so. And here in this place of poetic sanctuary...sometimes our words offer healing to someone else who perhaps cant find their own words. Yours touched me in that way today. Thank you for that. take care of you Poetess Meg.  |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
~softsmile~ JM, check your mail. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Some little moth said "don't miss this..." ...you are dearly missed… without any physical reminder needed (left or lost), but god forbid I glance at the coffee maker. ... bless her soul... |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Elizabeth Cor I have always felt you were extraordinary...because of so many reasons, but mostly because you write with the raw, honest intensity that I would like to be able to write with. You put me there with you, and in some small way I feel the heartache, and mourn a person made of words made real. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
And what Martie said, too... |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
I, of course, had to find this 10 minutes before I leave for work. They'll have to deal with smeary makeup. Aaaahhhhh - *shuddering sigh* - That's why I threw the damn coffee pot AWAY. And almost bought a new one today. lol I was doing okay until... "… but when you closed the guitar case all walls were crushed." And then, well, you know me - I have to wait until the house is empty and all I have is the psychotic cat and rat-face to console me before I bawl my eyes out like a baby. I want you to know - you HAVE to know that your weight is no smaller than mine...different, but the same...and there will be no sorry's in this house missy...because you support and encourage so much more than you even realize. So, thank you for being here, and for being you...because if you weren't, then I probably WOULD go mad. s.h.h [This message has been edited by Nicole (07-12-2002 08:03 PM).] |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
there was a pause of silence because I was at first speechless, and wanted to be careful with my words, and then busyness stepped in… and admittedly, (soft) lol, I’m still just grappling at things to say… JM: for your attention here, and earnestness ~smile~ for coming back to reply to my own response, and then sending me such a bighearted letter off site (still working there, really: see above excuses), HUGS, and thank you… ~ Karilea, for dropping in and saying so… and then echoing Martie? for your appreciation and interest, thank you ~ Martie, oh, I don’t know what to say lol… should I flood with extravagance or mumble back humble thanks? and its not a question of what’s appropriate, what sounds or seems “better”, just that I don’t know what emotional response to focus on and give back… because at once I feel humble and unworthy of such high praise, but also, to read something that recognizes so much of what I hope to yield, makes me swell to extravagance… and, Martie, ~shaking head~ you DO write with rawness, honesty, intensity… and from this side, it seems more than anything I produce… I think I’m going to be repeating myself but, oh well, you are always a sought out poet in this place, for very good reason… there is one poem of yours that I will always remember (I haven’t read it in months and there’s already a sinking in my chest lol) let me find it… /pip/Forum58/HTML/001521.html there. that one. and, let me see… oh, yes, good… the reply made in that link is exactly what I want to say… so instead of fumbling here longer, compiling redundant declarations, will just let you reread and know that it still holds true… thank you so very much, Martie, hearthugs ~ Nic? I had a reply here for you, but hated it... so, still working, because I will not allow it to be wrong. in the meantime, SHH, and thank you, just thank you. [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (07-17-2002 05:55 AM).] |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
For Nic: hey, you… told ya I’d be back… your reply was the most comforting… I want to thank you in a way that’s so big and warm, to let you know this made me feel BETTER for a full half hour, when the rest of the last week (week!) has been devoted to internally sulking. I can still come back to it and it lifts my spirits … and, my god, you had me laughing from the get-go (big surprise) I snorted at rat-face… sigh, AND it gives me a huge relief to know I haven’t somehow desecrated an honest sentiment with a stupid mushy poem lol… and I’m going to use this as another excuse to tell you how great the past few days have been, it’s so wonderful having you in the house of chubbchubbs to form my own galaxy with… and without it sounding rehearsed or generic… I wish I had a way to explain out what I feel, show exactly how damn glad I am to know you, and to have you in my life… but, maybe I can just say thank you, and you, being who you are, will just KNOW all those things… So, thank you. SHH, fellow goddess, you make my life blessed. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
but when you closed the guitar case all walls were crushed. --I have been avoiding you. It's true. This took the wind out of me. I cannot say "goodbye"--I can't even watch someone pack.-- this one "ouched" me. I'll "e" ya...sigh. |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
sigh. s'en? thank you for creeping in and giving word... I'm sorry, sweetie. |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
Okay. I've read this thing three times already. As usual, when I read your poetry, I can't find anything to say about it. I just sit here awestruck at the power you have, knowing somewhere that people tell me I have a certain power in my own work. I have NOTHING like this! Damn it! lol..I'd like to find some of it too. I'm sorry. I just can't take it all apart like everyone else does in their replies because all of it stands out and trips me in a good kind of way. All I can say is that I want a copy of your book when you have one. LOL!  Loved this. *Jenn* I will not bend to the cowardice of a silent judgement. |
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Elizabeth Cor Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879Over the river and through the woods |
~smile~ Thank you, Jenn, simply for always coming back and taking the time to respond... regardless of any delay.  And believe me... don't fuss over some perfect reply... come in wave, say you were here, and I'll be thrilled all the same. On THAT note: my book? Uhm, damn, I'd say that's a pretty staggering compliment... if I ever get there? I'd be happy to send you a dozen. thank you. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Hi there I just knew this was going to be powerful and that I was going to enjoy it.... so ... Thank you! |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Rumor has it, that you are one of THE people to read, around here. (This is where I fall all over myself, praising this and proving, without doubt, that I'm a moron. But I'm smarter than that.) So, I'll just say, thank you for writing this. It was a pleasure to read you. Damn! ~wranx In reply to "which way do we go?", the answer was never "straight", but, "progressively forward". |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Sorry, but DAMN! ~wranx In reply to "which way do we go?", the answer was never "straight", but, "progressively forward". |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
You coulda chopped this in half and had two poems. It did run long at the end -- but so does the aftereffects of the end of something/the beginning of something.Much better than my attempts on the subject. Your talent is to be celebrated. So it shall. C'mon, baby, c'mon darling, |
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