How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Sanctuary
 Poetic Haven
 She is today
 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Poet deVine, Martie   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

She is today

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


0 posted 06-21-2002 07:45 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel


The sheets are crumpled as the sky.
Cloud shadows travel to her feet.
I trace the imprint on the bed
with hands that touch not her, but me.

She is weeks into the past.
I want her to be my today.
Can't see myself against her sun.
Can't see her shadow in my rain.

The storm is falling on the roof.
I listen to the words as sound.
The sky is blackly crystal cracked.
I just wish you were around.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

© Copyright 2002 MPC - All Rights Reserved
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


1 posted 06-21-2002 07:49 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Oh this is cool!!! Good imagery sir.
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


2 posted 06-21-2002 07:50 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

ah to be so in love...hey what am I talkin' about..I felt  this through and through

good one *s
M
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 08-14-2001
Posts 37801
Somewhere in time~


3 posted 06-21-2002 07:52 PM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

DANG Your Good!

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


4 posted 06-21-2002 07:52 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Glad you all enjoy my syrup.  

She said burn ... together.
-TON

[This message has been edited by bsquirrel (06-21-2002 07:53 PM).]

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 12-17-2000
Posts 34089
City of Roses


5 posted 06-22-2002 12:26 AM       View Profile for Mistletoe Angel   Email Mistletoe Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Mistletoe Angel's Home Page   View IP for Mistletoe Angel



BRAVO!!! Oh Michael, this is heartwrenchingly wonderful, sweet friend, your sentiments always are glitter in your words, I love it, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Michael, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


6 posted 06-30-2002 08:27 AM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

gonna cry..

-Lynne

It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold.

Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


7 posted 06-30-2002 08:33 AM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

I know you don't 'encourage critiques', but one thing I'd say about this poem is that you have a lot of different persons and tenses (eg. "I want her to be.. " and "I just wish you were around" then the title "She is today" and the lines
        "She is weeks into the past.
        I want her to be my today.") Yep, just a thought, it perhaps is a lsight distraction, that's all..  

Sorry if you didn't want me to say this!!

Love,
- Lynne

It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold.

[This message has been edited by Yu Lan (06-30-2002 08:34 AM).]

JP
Senior Member
since 05-25-99
Posts 1391
Loomis, CA


8 posted 06-30-2002 03:48 PM       View Profile for JP   Email JP   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit JP's Home Page   View IP for JP

"Blackly crystal cracked"  Fabulous!  Bravisimo!

Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn.
Nil Desperandum, Fata viem invenient

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


9 posted 07-01-2002 01:20 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Yu Lan,
Such is the problem with doing verse off the top of your head. Glad y' enjoyed.

Signed,
th' tense wrecker!

These smiling eyes are just a mirror for the sun.
-RHCP

 
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Sanctuary >> Poetic Haven >> She is today Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors