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Wall tracings

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Poet deVine
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Hurricane Alley


0 posted 05-18-2002 12:05 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Poet deVine


She sat alone,
rocker in neutral
her heart
pounding in the night

legs stiff
from sitting there
crying softly
in her fright

no one to come
children gone
no one to call
to undo shoe lacings

she stares into
the darkened room
seeing only
crayon wall tracings
© Copyright 2002 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved
bsquirrel
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since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


1 posted 05-18-2002 12:06 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

I like the play of crayon wall, because it makes me think of canyon wall. I really enjoyed this one...

She said burn ... together.
-TON

Christopher
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since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


2 posted 05-18-2002 12:09 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

now i'm gonna cry...
Poet deVine
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Hurricane Alley


3 posted 05-18-2002 12:12 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Here..have a Kleenex.
nakdthoughts
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since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


4 posted 05-18-2002 05:23 AM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

I can picture this one..I like *s
Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


5 posted 11-29-2002 11:38 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

I spy another one.  Guess it wasn't just Mike and Chris.  

When I was really little I would secretly go into my closet (it was a big closet) and write stuff all over the walls in red crayon.  Nobody ever found it until years later, when I moved to the room downstairs.

You've captured well the lamentations of a childhood expired.  The image you present is haunting... an old house where children once grew up, now all gone, and a woman longingly gazing at their walls, and seeing old crayon marks, even if they're not there (I take it she's looking in and remembering it differently than it is, not literally seeing crayon marks).

Very cool stuff, PDV.

Parasite

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
~Aldous Huxley

Poet deVine
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Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


6 posted 11-29-2002 11:40 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

These are from an 'open mic' night when we all had to write from the same phrases...it was FUN!
quietlydying
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since 06-10-2001
Posts 1316
the wonderful land of oz


7 posted 12-02-2002 01:55 AM       View Profile for quietlydying   Email quietlydying   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for quietlydying

amen christopher.  

wow.  i loved the take on this one.  i'm really enjoying these wall tracings.  

they're so vivid.

alive.

this was purely powerful.

and that's all i have to say about that.

[beautifully written].

and i won't say another word about punctuation today... promise!



/jen/


i'm so bitterly disappointed.  betty, i think it's time you leave now.

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (12-02-2002 01:56 AM).]

 
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