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Passions in Poetry

Wall tracings

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bsquirrel
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since 01-03-2000
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0 posted 05-18-2002 12:02 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel


Whenever I play your music,
you shape yourself to wall.
Your hands are the windows,
I can see through them --
the veins of frame and lock.
Your eyes are the door
(strangely not the windows)
because you either open or shut,
open or shut.

And your mouth is the floor.
Your tongue collects my footfalls
and speaks it back out in the notes
I scrawl from the speakers to my wall.
To you.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

© Copyright 2002 MPC - All Rights Reserved
Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


1 posted 05-18-2002 12:06 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Scary!!! Turn on a light..I think you've been in the dark too long!!!
Christopher
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Purgatorial Incarceration


2 posted 05-18-2002 12:06 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

oooh - i like this!!! see, good poetry with little thought beforehand!
bsquirrel
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3 posted 05-18-2002 12:08 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

The lights are blazing, pDv. But my mind is on the verge of shut down.

Thanks, Christopher. Glad y' enjoyed this bit o' inanity.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

Local Parasite
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since 11-05-2001
Posts 2929
Transylconia, Winnipeg


4 posted 11-29-2002 11:33 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

This is the kind of poetry I love to read from you, Mike... very strange visual imagery, a lot of metaphor and literal comparison... and you justified every metaphor you used.  Now that is what I like to see.

I love that sense of this person being the entire house around you, while you are merely a resident on the inside.  Very, very cool.

So did you and Chris have some kind of challenge for these poems?  I'm curious.

Parasite

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
~Aldous Huxley

Riley
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in the pouring rain


5 posted 11-30-2002 11:16 AM       View Profile for Riley   Email Riley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Riley

wow, its so dark and yet it still has some light. o yea and i loved loved loved the imagery....!!!

Riley


Morning mist clings to my face, and my soul opens up to you......

[This message has been edited by Riley (11-30-2002 12:19 PM).]

LoveBug
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6 posted 11-30-2002 11:29 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

What a unique aspect you took with this theme.. I enjoyed it much!

Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

quietlydying
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the wonderful land of oz


7 posted 12-02-2002 01:50 AM       View Profile for quietlydying   Email quietlydying   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for quietlydying

there were some disturbing images in this, but they were presented in such a powerful way that they most definitely added to the piece.  very strongly written.

nicely done.

/jen/

i'm so bitterly disappointed.  betty, i think it's time you leave now.

bsquirrel
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8 posted 12-02-2002 12:33 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

This was one of those Open Mic Night poems from a while back. Quite a strange poem, which pretty much shows me at the end of a long night trying to come up with verse for the phrase "Wall tracings."
Yu Lan
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since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


9 posted 12-05-2002 04:55 PM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

umm.. I like it.. I think the only thing I'm not too keen on with this one is when you write: "Your eyes are the door
            (strangely not the windows)"

Obviously u r referring to the cliche of her eyes were like windows, but really, it makes me think of it without writing '(strangely not the windows)', because saying 'the door' is unusual. I actually really don't like that line, because it sounds.. young, compared to the rest of the poem, as thoguht u threw it in as an afterthought just to make sure we noticed that a door was differnt to a window.. BUT I love the rest. the last piece is especially good

Luv, Lynne

It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold.

bsquirrel
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10 posted 12-05-2002 07:14 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Glad to see you back! Truth be told, Lynne, I dislike this poem in its entirety. Truly a tired mind at work on this one.
 
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