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Passions in Poetry

Her

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Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


0 posted 05-02-2002 04:14 AM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Yu Lan



His impatience
never sees her cry
as his hot eyes slowly
eat her.


Short, yes. I wrote this from a bunch of words we were given - kind of a jigsaw poem if you will.

It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold.

© Copyright 2002 Lynne Miura, née Chudley - All Rights Reserved
kaile
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since 02-06-2000
Posts 5323
singapore


1 posted 05-03-2002 12:09 PM       View Profile for kaile   Email kaile   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kaile

Lynne,

a short poem perhaps but one that takes this reader in many directions nonetheless...the choice of the word "hot" is interesting...i thought of a hunk who is physically attractive and conquers women easily...i also thought of a man who looked so angry that his eyes were burning...

i would like the title to be different though...something that addresses the power imbalance in the relationship...

good to read you again
Yu Lan
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since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


2 posted 05-03-2002 05:40 PM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

Thanks. Yeah, I was kind of lost for a title for a while, so I think it shows! "hot".. interesting! ^_^ I must admit that's the bit I liked best when I wrote it. When I wrote it I meant for the description "hot" to refer to something like 'turned on', ie she knows what he wants, but he doesn't CARE what she wants because he knows he has power over her to serve his own demands.. I think all 3 of the connotations fit! Thank you

Anyone have another idea for a title? Um..?

Love,
Lynne

It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold.

kaile
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since 02-06-2000
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singapore


3 posted 05-05-2002 02:23 AM       View Profile for kaile   Email kaile   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kaile

hmmm, "Manipulated" came to my mind as i read this
jamesjiao
Member
since 04-12-2000
Posts 270
Backwaters of Avalon


4 posted 05-20-2002 09:59 AM       View Profile for jamesjiao   Email jamesjiao   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit jamesjiao's Home Page   View IP for jamesjiao

What's this about? watched too much cookie monster on TV :p.. Not bad.. lollies for you.

- James
The beauty of nature is displayed,
not through itself,
but through the creatures
dwelling within its bosom.


bsquirrel
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5 posted 05-20-2002 12:50 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

What about Consummation or Consumed? (though Consummation gives it that yummy innuendo flavor)

Really enjoyed, Lynne.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

Yu Lan
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since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


6 posted 05-24-2002 04:54 AM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

Thank youp guys
hehe, 'manipulated' brings to mind (for me - I'm probably just weird ) those squishy stress balls.. ^_^

(cookie monster? she wishes.. )

Consumed.. hey wait, the term 'consumated' (ie a marriage - I don't know if there can be another context) means what I think it does, right? What about "Consumation" ?? Does that.. um.. work? ... ?

Luv y'all
-Lynne

It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold.

Mistletoe Angel
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since 12-17-2000
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City of Roses


7 posted 06-22-2002 08:19 PM       View Profile for Mistletoe Angel   Email Mistletoe Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Mistletoe Angel's Home Page   View IP for Mistletoe Angel



BRAVO!!! Oh Lynne, this is wonderful, sweet friend, it saddens me to see so many fail to sympathize with anothers needs and only worsen the situation! (sigh) This is excellent, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Lynne, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Local Parasite
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Transylconia, Winnipeg


8 posted 11-23-2002 01:48 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

It's something very bothersome, the destruction of a person like this... you kept it short and that really aided the poem a lot in making the point more, shall we say, sharp.

Such simplicity and truth.  

Parasite

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
~Aldous Huxley

Yu Lan
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New Zealand


9 posted 11-24-2002 12:10 AM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

Thanks Noah, you've always got something nice to say.

And thanks Parasite - yes! You've got it to a tee.. Hey, do you mind if I call this poem "Parasite"? Because I've been looking for a new title that is more fitting that "her".. do you think it seems parasitic??

It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold.

Local Parasite
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Transylconia, Winnipeg


10 posted 11-24-2002 02:10 AM       View Profile for Local Parasite   Email Local Parasite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Local Parasite's Home Page   View IP for Local Parasite

ahhh okay... slowly eat her... that sounds good to me.  

A parasite is something that draws from a host for its own benefit.  Usually the parasite doesn't kill its host, because if it did kill the host, it would have nothing to live on.  Calling this poem "parasite" would give a lot more insight into the actual situation.  
Yu Lan
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since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


11 posted 12-06-2002 05:30 PM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

Yes! I have a new title.. From this day forth I dub thee "Parasite", small poem.. =P
Thanks for the idea LP!!!

Love, Lynne
bsquirrel
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12 posted 12-18-2002 02:25 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Long may the parasite(s) here rise to the surface like clotted cream!
fractal007
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since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


13 posted 01-03-2003 10:40 PM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

Not a bad job of putting the pieces together.  I like how you attribute the act of seeing to his emotion of impatience and then go on to describe his actual eyes eating her.  That's a neat little trick.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

quietlydying
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the wonderful land of oz


14 posted 01-05-2003 09:43 PM       View Profile for quietlydying   Email quietlydying   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for quietlydying

this was disturbing.  quite.

then again i nearly had a mental breakdown when i got a tick this summer [at work of all places].

eating away at me, sucking, burrowing deeper...

::shudders and screams::

/jen/

'i don't care if it hurts, i want to have control.  i want a perfect body, i want a perfect soul.'  [radiohead]

Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


15 posted 01-05-2003 11:41 PM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

Thanks fracta & Jen.. ^_^

It's nice to share - kiss someone when you have a cold.

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