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Tulip

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Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


0 posted 08-11-2001 03:27 AM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Yu Lan

This is one that I'm thinking of adding to a collection of poems I have to submit for a 'poetic writing portfolio' for english class... do you think it's good enough? Seriously now.. *_^

Tulip

Cotton smothers daisies
in graveyard grass.
Kneeling before him she needs
to feel fingers in her hair and
the wind makes her cry.
Ashes to dust
with a tulip on his grave.



“One word can be magical. Imagine then, the effect of several words, together..”

[This message has been edited by Yu Lan (edited 08-12-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Lynne Miura, née Chudley - All Rights Reserved
Joyce Johnson
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Member Patricius
since 03-10-2001
Posts 10059
Washington State


1 posted 08-11-2001 10:23 PM       View Profile for Joyce Johnson   Email Joyce Johnson   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Joyce Johnson

I like this and I'm sure it would be eligible for your submission.  Joyce
Krawdad
Member Elite
since 01-03-2001
Posts 2627


2 posted 08-11-2001 11:50 PM       View Profile for Krawdad   Email Krawdad   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Krawdad

"Cotton smothers daisies"
could refer to a couple of situations, but only the "kneeling" gives me a clue, so I'm left wondering . . . a cotton dress?  Or maybe the cotton from cottonwood trees?
Did you want that effect?
Otherwise I like the compactness and the images.

e
Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


3 posted 08-12-2001 07:00 AM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

Thanks Joyce  
Krawdad.. yeah, my brother thought "why is there a cotton plantation in a graveyard?".. I never thought of it like that, but yes, it was meant to be a cotton dress.. do you think i should change the 'fabric' then? Perhaps velvet smothers.. or.. some other fabric.. would it be a bit clearer? Thanks  

“One word can be magical. Imagine then, the effect of several words, together..”

Allan Riverwood
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since 01-04-2001
Posts 4212
Winnipeg


4 posted 08-17-2001 05:09 PM       View Profile for Allan Riverwood   Email Allan Riverwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allan Riverwood

Goodness, Yu Lan.  This certainly is a breathtaking poem, very brief and powerfully depicted.  The length and simplicity of it allows a lot of impact.  
The image drawn here is very sorrowful, dark and well done.  You also chose your title well.
It's difficult to say exactly why I love this poem so very much, more than likely your choice of words really appealed to me on every line.  What more can I say, this is one good poem.  
I think it would be a great poem for the portfolio, in fact it would make a wonderful first page, unless you feel it would overshadow the rest of your work.  I haven't read enough of yours to accurately judge.
However, I know this is going straight into my personal library.
Thanks for a wonderful read, Yu Lan, and I wish you the very best of luck.
Yours,
~Allan

The children of the nobility are playing here. they look up at you with disgust as you come near.

Allan Riverwood
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since 01-04-2001
Posts 4212
Winnipeg


5 posted 08-17-2001 05:10 PM       View Profile for Allan Riverwood   Email Allan Riverwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allan Riverwood

grr... I forgot to hit the button.  I always do that.
Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


6 posted 08-17-2001 07:38 PM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

Thank you Allan! Yes, I included this one in my portfolio, it was the first poem on my page.. Well, i am sure glad you liked it then! ^_^
-Lynne
Dopey Dope
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since 08-30-2000
Posts 15536
San Juan, Puerto Rico


7 posted 08-21-2001 05:20 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

Hey this was a nice poem here Yu! I enjoyed it very much!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


8 posted 09-10-2001 11:32 PM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

Thanx Dopey  
Tequilia_Sunrise
Senior Member
since 02-19-2003
Posts 618
Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada


9 posted 07-08-2004 12:25 AM       View Profile for Tequilia_Sunrise   Email Tequilia_Sunrise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Tequilia_Sunrise

enjoyed very much
jamesjiao
Member
since 04-12-2000
Posts 270
Backwaters of Avalon


10 posted 07-20-2004 10:47 PM       View Profile for jamesjiao   Email jamesjiao   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit jamesjiao's Home Page   View IP for jamesjiao

Did I not comment on this one? Interesting... Now who is it that you are talking about here? I like tulips the best!

- James
The beauty of nature is displayed,
not through itself,
but through the creatures
dwelling within its bosom.


Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


11 posted 07-23-2004 06:54 AM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

Umm, who... well, I guess my fiance heh.. No, he didn't die. And I didn't imagine he did.. Just tried to find the emotions. Did it work??

Yea.. Tulips are good..

Bless your cotten sockies, you poetic maniacs. ^_^

Love - Lynne

fractal007
Member Elite
since 06-01-2000
Posts 2032


12 posted 07-25-2004 02:22 AM       View Profile for fractal007   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fractal007

Hm...  Well I would use it.  Your use of Biblical allusion is well done here.  The ashes to dust does well in suggesting the sense that the life of this person will be soon forgotten.  The tulip on the other hand...  Intriguing.  I think there's a good deal packed into this poem and it's worth submitting in your portfolio.

2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2
--Smit
My Creations

jamesjiao
Member
since 04-12-2000
Posts 270
Backwaters of Avalon


13 posted 08-20-2004 11:05 AM       View Profile for jamesjiao   Email jamesjiao   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit jamesjiao's Home Page   View IP for jamesjiao

Oh.... I see... call me stupid .
Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


14 posted 08-20-2004 08:56 PM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

thanks fracta - i really appreciate that. I actually got a fairly decent mark for that portfolio, too..

Hehe James.. that's not stupid - normally people don't write poems like this about people who are still alive, eh? Unless they really don't like them and are imagining.. ahem.. Anyway, not the case . ^_^ Hope all's well up North; settling in well!

Bless your cotten sockies, you poetic maniacs. ^_^

Love - Lynne

jamesjiao
Member
since 04-12-2000
Posts 270
Backwaters of Avalon


15 posted 08-24-2004 11:51 AM       View Profile for jamesjiao   Email jamesjiao   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit jamesjiao's Home Page   View IP for jamesjiao

Yep, well.. i guess i am supposed to have settled in after 2 weeks eh. I have really cool colleagues (French speaking ones too). I guess i've now lost all the inspirations for writing poetry. Haha. Well I might try again at some stage. If I get the time of course. Haha...

- James
The beauty of nature is displayed,
not through itself,
but through the creatures
dwelling within its bosom.


Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-23-2003
Posts 7179
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass


16 posted 09-29-2006 08:51 PM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

I wonder how that project turned out....if this is any indication, I'll bet you got an A on it!

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

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