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Tulip
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Tulip |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand 
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This is one that I'm thinking of adding to a collection of poems I have to submit for a 'poetic writing portfolio' for english class... do you think it's good enough? Seriously now.. *_^ Tulip Cotton smothers daisies in graveyard grass. Kneeling before him she needs to feel fingers in her hair and the wind makes her cry. Ashes to dust with a tulip on his grave. “One word can be magical. Imagine then, the effect of several words, together..” [This message has been edited by Yu Lan (edited 08-12-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Lynne Miura, née Chudley - All Rights Reserved | |||
Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
I like this and I'm sure it would be eligible for your submission. Joyce |
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Krawdad Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597 |
"Cotton smothers daisies" could refer to a couple of situations, but only the "kneeling" gives me a clue, so I'm left wondering . . . a cotton dress? Or maybe the cotton from cottonwood trees? Did you want that effect? Otherwise I like the compactness and the images. e |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Thanks Joyce  Krawdad.. yeah, my brother thought "why is there a cotton plantation in a graveyard?".. I never thought of it like that, but yes, it was meant to be a cotton dress.. do you think i should change the 'fabric' then? Perhaps velvet smothers.. or.. some other fabric.. would it be a bit clearer? Thanks “One word can be magical. Imagine then, the effect of several words, together..” |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Goodness, Yu Lan. This certainly is a breathtaking poem, very brief and powerfully depicted. The length and simplicity of it allows a lot of impact. The image drawn here is very sorrowful, dark and well done. You also chose your title well. It's difficult to say exactly why I love this poem so very much, more than likely your choice of words really appealed to me on every line. What more can I say, this is one good poem. I think it would be a great poem for the portfolio, in fact it would make a wonderful first page, unless you feel it would overshadow the rest of your work. I haven't read enough of yours to accurately judge. However, I know this is going straight into my personal library. Thanks for a wonderful read, Yu Lan, and I wish you the very best of luck. Yours, ~Allan The children of the nobility are playing here. they look up at you with disgust as you come near. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
grr... I forgot to hit the button. I always do that. |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Thank you Allan! Yes, I included this one in my portfolio, it was the first poem on my page.. Well, i am sure glad you liked it then! ^_^ -Lynne |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Hey this was a nice poem here Yu! I enjoyed it very much!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Thanx Dopey |
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Tequilia_Sunrise Senior Member
since 2003-02-19
Posts 612Lochalsh, Ontario, Canada |
enjoyed very much |
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jamesjiao Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 268Backwaters of Avalon |
Did I not comment on this one? Interesting... Now who is it that you are talking about here? I like tulips the best! - James |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Umm, who... well, I guess my fiance heh.. No, he didn't die. And I didn't imagine he did.. Just tried to find the emotions. Did it work?? Yea.. Tulips are good.. Bless your cotten sockies, you poetic maniacs. ^_^ |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Hm... Well I would use it. Your use of Biblical allusion is well done here. The ashes to dust does well in suggesting the sense that the life of this person will be soon forgotten. The tulip on the other hand... Intriguing. I think there's a good deal packed into this poem and it's worth submitting in your portfolio. 2+2=5 for sufficiently large values of 2 |
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jamesjiao Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 268Backwaters of Avalon |
Oh.... I see... call me stupid . |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
thanks fracta - i really appreciate that. I actually got a fairly decent mark for that portfolio, too.. Hehe James.. that's not stupid - normally people don't write poems like this about people who are still alive, eh? Unless they really don't like them and are imagining.. ahem.. Anyway, not the case . ^_^ Hope all's well up North; settling in well! Bless your cotten sockies, you poetic maniacs. ^_^ |
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jamesjiao Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 268Backwaters of Avalon |
Yep, well.. i guess i am supposed to have settled in after 2 weeks eh. I have really cool colleagues (French speaking ones too). I guess i've now lost all the inspirations for writing poetry. Haha. Well I might try again at some stage. If I get the time of course. Haha... - James |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
I wonder how that project turned out....if this is any indication, I'll bet you got an A on it! ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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