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Passions in Poetry

In Freezing, Warm May (Duet - acire and I)

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Yu Lan
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since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


0 posted 05-25-2001 05:47 AM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Yu Lan

In Freezing, Warm May

Peep through the curtains,
Sun isn't shining today
My fingers, iceblocks.

Beams of light peek thru
Morning shower's ended bath
Summer's heat comes alive

Whispered winds turned cold,
Grey hides a beautiful sky,
Butterflies bite damp.

Scent of grassy greens
As the birds do start to sing
In this a new day

Crunchy leaves on damp,
Stepped on by booted children,
Leafing trees censored.

Trees waving leaves dry
A swift breeze making delight
such a pretty sight

Skies in two places
Are crying tears while smiling
In freezing, warm May.
© Copyright 2001 Lynne Miura, née Chudley - All Rights Reserved
Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


1 posted 05-25-2001 05:48 AM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

Sorry I didn't post this earlier acire! I somehow missed reading your last e-mail..
Luv, Lynne

“A poem is a tiny piece of the poets soul; on paper.”

Poet deVine
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Hurricane Alley


2 posted 05-25-2001 08:55 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

This is great! So we're treated to a Puerto Rico/New Zealand view of the month of May!!!
Dopey Dope
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3 posted 05-25-2001 03:40 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

*sits in a lounge chair in the sun*
Huh? Puerto Rico? Hehe

Well done you guys!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

LoveBug
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4 posted 05-26-2001 08:51 AM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

Beautiful duet, you too! I love the symbolism in this piece... very well done. Thanks for sharing.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

Allan Riverwood
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5 posted 05-26-2001 12:05 PM       View Profile for Allan Riverwood   Email Allan Riverwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allan Riverwood

Looking at this... it's mostly haikus, isn't it?  5-7-5... and for the most part you did a wonderful job.  "Summer's heat comes alive" didn't fit this theme though.
Was this what you were going for?  
I really like this duet... very original.  I can't wait to see more of these, glad you two posted yours!  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

Yu Lan
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since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


6 posted 05-29-2001 04:40 AM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

Oh, right.. acire is from Puerto Rico.. ^_^ I didn't know that! I just kinda guessed that it would be different weather..  
Hehe, thanks you guys.. dunno where acire is, I don't think he's seen this link yet.. I'll have to show him..
Yeah Allan.. that was what it was meant to be.. oh, right! ^_^ I didn't notice that.. Thanks all u guys.. so nice to us!!  

Luv, Lynne

“One word can be magical. Imagine then, the effect of several words, together..”

Acies
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Twilight Zone


7 posted 06-05-2001 10:34 AM       View Profile for Acies   Email Acies   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Acies

I'm not from Puerto Rico....I'm in Chicago  

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Allan, Val, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Maree, Michele,

Dopey Dope
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8 posted 06-05-2001 05:05 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

I'm from Puerto Rico  
Yu Lan
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since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


9 posted 06-06-2001 02:44 AM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

I knooooooooow that acire..   I read ur post in.. some other place.. yeah, okok.. I didn't know when i wrote that.. forgive me for taking Sharon's word for it..  
Dopey, YOU, are from Puerto Rico??!!! Oh my gosh, REALLY?!!  

“One word can be magical. Imagine then, the effect of several words, together..”

Acies
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10 posted 06-06-2001 08:22 PM       View Profile for Acies   Email Acies   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Acies

Sup with you people from Australia  

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Val, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Maree, Michel

Yu Lan
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New Zealand


11 posted 06-07-2001 02:38 AM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan



haha

“One word can be magical. Imagine then, the effect of several words, together..”

Severn
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since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


12 posted 06-09-2001 12:44 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Hey guys...nice job!

But the critique witch is here...heh heh heh...


                  

                   Peep through the curtains,
                   Sun isn't shining today
                   My fingers, iceblocks.

**Like this first part...very nice...


                   Beams of light peek thru
                   Morning shower's ended bath
                   Summer's heat comes alive

** Oh please please spell 'through' properly...please please ~beg beg~
Also, don't you think that you could find a more original word than 'beams'?

                   Whispered winds turned cold,
                   Grey hides a beautiful sky,
                   Butterflies bite damp.

**I like butterflies bite damp - that's a great image.

                   Scent of grassy greens
                   As the birds do start to sing
                   In this a new day

** Right...what's up with the 'birds do start to sing'?

                   Crunchy leaves on damp,
                   Stepped on by booted children,
                   Leafing trees censored.

** like the first line...like the second ALTHOUGH I did get a fleeting image of children getting well...kicked in the butt heh. (Just my violent tendencies, nevermind me.) I'm unsure about the 'leafing trees censored.' It's a bit...vague - and doesn't sound grammatically kosher either...

                   Trees waving leaves dry
                   A swift breeze making delight
                   such a pretty sight

** Do you really want the rhyme here? You haven't rhymed anywhere else - why start now?

                   Skies in two places
                   Are crying tears while smiling
                   In freezing, warm May.

** Nice contradiction of imagery my friends...very nice indeed.

One final thing. I'm aware you wrote separate parts for this - but to make it blend in tightly, how about making the punctuation use more consistent?

Overall..it rocks!

K

It is to do with tree-ferns:
mamuka, pongo, wheki.
Shelter under here is so easily understood.
From 'Hope', by Dinah Hawkins

Yu Lan
Senior Member
since 04-13-2000
Posts 1486
New Zealand


13 posted 06-29-2001 05:52 AM       View Profile for Yu Lan   Email Yu Lan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Yu Lan

Thanx K..  
Yeah, my mum didn't like the 'leafing trees censored" line either.. and reading it again now, a while after I've written, I'm not quite sure it had the effect I was meaning, lol.. yep, thanks Kamla..

“One word can be magical. Imagine then, the effect of several words, together..”

Ratleader
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14 posted 09-30-2006 10:20 AM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

Even when it turns suddenly cold on us, the world is wonderful.....but this fall morning (we don't have Autumn here)....two voices just warmed it for me.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

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