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Passions in Poetry

every night when i close my eyes to fall to sleep

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anonymous albert ?
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since 03-23-2001
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0 posted 04-26-2001 06:59 PM       View Profile for anonymous albert ?   Email anonymous albert ?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for anonymous albert ?

hey i changed the poem
this one also has two versions..
the first version is how i exactly felt as i couldnt explain it at night but i tried to discribed it
as i wrote down notes of the feelings..

version one(original)


every night when i lay down to fall to sleep
i have this feeling which is difficult for me to describe
lonely nights come as my heart senses to cry
something willing to come out
a trapped felling deep inside
where i feel this hurting feeling this feeling of loneliness
this fear of which i canít explain
also this sadness to deepness of my heart deep in my heart
and i donít know for why i feel these feelings
but these feelings always seems to come and they will come shortly
when every night i lay down to fall to sleep

dec. 7

this second version is the one with/out those exact emotions but..what i wanted 2 write in the poem..

version two(revise)


every night when i lay down to fall to sleep
i have this feeling which is difficult for me to describe
lonely nights come as my heart senses to cry
something willing to come out
a trapped feeling deep inside
though i donít know for why i feel these feelings
and never will i truly understand these feelings
but these feelings always seems to come and they will come shortly
when every night i lay down to fall to sleep

dec. 7

hope you liked it
and any suggestions would be great
also this actually was going on for couple of days and finally stopped after i wrote this..
anyways...cya

...?

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-28-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 ALBY - All Rights Reserved
Dopey Dope
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since 08-30-2000
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San Juan, Puerto Rico


1 posted 04-26-2001 08:18 PM       View Profile for Dopey Dope   Email Dopey Dope   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dopey Dope

I enjoyed it and welcome to the haven!
woh000!!!!!!! you made it alive!!!!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood
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since 01-04-2001
Posts 4212
Winnipeg


2 posted 04-26-2001 09:12 PM       View Profile for Allan Riverwood   Email Allan Riverwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allan Riverwood

Yeah, this place is really picking up lately... digging for older works is a great way to keep this running.     
Wonderful poem, but it was very hard to understand.  In a few places I felt like you were trying to confuse me...  
Good job nonetheless.  I need some tylenol.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.††Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.††
~Unknown

anonymous albert ?
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since 03-23-2001
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3 posted 04-27-2001 04:36 AM       View Profile for anonymous albert ?   Email anonymous albert ?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymous albert ?

hehe...thank u allan and javier
i'm glad 2 be here

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

anonymous albert ?
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since 03-23-2001
Posts 4172


4 posted 05-03-2001 03:54 AM       View Profile for anonymous albert ?   Email anonymous albert ?   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for anonymous albert ?

ohh..yea one more thing...i know this is not one of my best as you can see from my other poems..but i think that to have great poetry to every exist sometimes there will be bad poetry cause as i always say no one even the greatest poets are perfect in heart..
and i usually post the insecure ones of my poetry to only know why i'm insecure of them anyways...cya

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Munda
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since 10-08-1999
Posts 3629
The Hague, The Netherlands


5 posted 05-03-2001 04:46 PM       View Profile for Munda   Email Munda   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Munda's Home Page   View IP for Munda

To me this describes perfectly how life can be perfect and yet sometimes you get those inexplicable sad and lonely feelings just before falling asleep, without having a good reason for them. Yep... it made sense to me. One little suggestion... perhaps some synonyms for the word feeling(s)? I enjoyed both versions though.  
 
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