A few simple senryus. - pipTalk Forums

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Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

0 posted 2001-03-13 02:01 AM

(Thought I'd post in here for a change. I wrote these out of fatigue. I'm too tired to judge their goodness... so I post them here to let you all do the work for me.

)

"Then"

Pressed, a heavy hail
You shall be a monarch then
Should you choose to fail

"Sleep"

Weary eyes repent
One day, when you're next to me
Sleep is heaven sent

"Sage"

Spice to salt the wise
One part thyme and two part lies
Sage, and slow demise

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

1 posted 2001-03-13 11:34 AM

Allen--I don't really know much about senryus, but I enjoyed these very much...glad you posted them here.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-03-13 05:18 PM

Hey Allan, I liked them a lot but I think the last one was best. Nicely done.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2001-03-15 03:21 PM

Allan....thank you for these....

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-04-26 07:09 PM

nice job!!
i liked each and every one of them
keep writing

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

5 posted 2001-05-11 02:09 PM

Hey,

I though since I wrote my first senryu I would check out the master senryuer ( okay so I made that word up so what

) I though they were great

Until your next masterpiece

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Elizabeth

Moderator

Member Ascendant

since 1999-06-07

Posts 6871
Minnesota

6 posted 2001-05-11 04:46 PM

Maybe fatigue is beneficial to your writing, Allan.

Yu Lan
Senior Member

since 2000-04-13

Posts 1462
New Zealand

7 posted 2001-06-01 06:26 AM

Oooh, I like the last one..
guudonya Allan... They are all not bad.. but the last one is good. Very good.

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