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Open Poetry #18
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Feasting free
| Open Poetry #18 |
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Feasting free |
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Silver Streak Member Elite
since 2002-01-02
Posts 3625FL, USA 
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Feasting free "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed" NIV John 18:36 I'm a butterfly You're a beautiful orchid We join in the breeze. You’re a butterfly I'm a beautiful orchid We join in the breeze. We are butterflies We are beautiful orchids We join in the breeze.. In perfect union. Feasting free. Copyright: Newell Elsworth Usher Silver Streak of Silver Springs, Florida February 11, 2001 Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com Copyright: 2002 Newell Elsworth Usher [This message has been edited by Silver Streak (02-11-2002 07:09 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Newell Elsworth Usher - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Your Poem reminded me of a Japanese style which I have taken the liberty of rewriting in this study form. Normally this would run Top to Bottom, but for ease of reading have changed it to a horizontal form. Colorful / Butterfly / Beauty / Orchid / Union // Breeze / Sway / Wings / Flutter / Blend / Color / Motions// Orchid / Feeds / Butterfly / Feast / Free // The words play off themselves and the reader fills in the thought picture and rearranges the words to suit themselves, a more English version; The colorful butterfly and beautiful orchid join in union, Where breezes sway flowers and butterfly wings flutter in colorful motion. The orchid feeds the butterfly feasting for free. Your poem gives that floating of words as it mixes the thoughts that brings to mind the classic form with out actually being the form. Well done, Gloom |
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Silver Streak Member Elite
since 2002-01-02
Posts 3625FL, USA |
ah so, desuka. Professor you are indeed a true scholar. Thank you for your insight and thoughtfulness.  -newell Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com Copyright: 2002 Newell Elsworth Usher [This message has been edited by Silver Streak (02-11-2002 09:42 AM).] |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Silver Streak, Agree with the Prof. Enjoyed |
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Canuckster Member
since 2002-01-09
Posts 285New Mexico, USA |
This is a nice form and Professors notes are indeed illuminating. It is often helpful in critiquing a poem as well as writing it to occassionally just isolate specific elements of the poem such as Nouns, verbs and modifiers to see how they flow and interact. Thanks for the fine poem and the good follow-up. never try to teach a pig to sing |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Newell, beautiful thoughts here, and I did enjoy reading what the Prof had to say as well. ~Hugs, Nancy~  ~Time has cast a spell on you, |
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Silver Streak Member Elite
since 2002-01-02
Posts 3625FL, USA |
Seymour, thanks for your visit. To be honest I just wrote the first Haiku, to say that a lover should be free. Quickly, I realized that both spirits needed be free. So I reversed the metaphors in the second haiku, and summarized in the third to show that Love should always be free, and to make it free both lovers must give freedom to the other. Indeed, I enjoyed the Professor's remarks as I am always seeking to learn. Thanks for dropping by. -newell Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com Copyright: 2002 Newell Elsworth Usher [This message has been edited by Silver Streak (02-11-2002 10:52 AM).] |
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Silver Streak Member Elite
since 2002-01-02
Posts 3625FL, USA |
Canuckster, thank you for your thoughtful remarks. Although to be truthful, I rarely analyze a poem. I do try to learn as much as I can about poetry form and structure, but analyzing my playthings? Pooh! Takes away fun away and interferes with creativity. And shouldn't writing always be a joy! Not a burden! Sure, I try to correct spelling and punctuation, and adjust the meter, at times. But to me poetry is what is inside of the package. And like American business, I love to vary packages all over the place to suit my tastes, not to achieve perfect form. Thanks for dropping by. -newell Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com |
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Silver Streak Member Elite
since 2002-01-02
Posts 3625FL, USA |
Thank you, Nancy. Glad you enjoyed. And I love your hugs! ((Nancy)) -newell Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Newell darling boy this is utterly utterly wonderful You’ve always been an excellent writer, lately you’re even better. Absolutely perfect writing darling boy I love it, but I guess you know that already don’t you? Good because I do. Fabulous writing, absolutely fabulous Butterfly kisses sipping at you Taste the fire breaking through Honey kisses so softly sweet When lips touch souls meet Take from me this kiss of fire And I will clothe you in desire Feed the butterfly that is me And I’ll satisfy you completely Absolutely first class writing, This really is one of your utter best, so softly tender I love it   Love and warm stuff As always Mushy  To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace St John ch2 v1 |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Very different Newell and very nice, I liked the professors comments. floriaFloria |
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Silver Streak Member Elite
since 2002-01-02
Posts 3625FL, USA |
Marsha, darling girl. You are both a beautiful butterfly and a beautiful blooming orchid. I will be an orchid awaiting your butterfly kisses, as I, too, change into a pretty fluttering butterfly, for you, as you become a beautiful orchid in God. ((Marsha)) -newell Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com |
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Silver Streak Member Elite
since 2002-01-02
Posts 3625FL, USA |
Thank you, floria, for you kind thoughts. ((floria)) -newell Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com |
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