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Open Poetry #18
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Never Take Your Place
| Open Poetry #18 |
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Never Take Your Place |
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DayDreamer99 Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 72 |
I hate the way you make me care I hate the fact your never there I hate the way you pass me by I hate it most when you make me cry I finally realized i have to stop loving you Cause of all the things you put me through You kept me on some kind of rope Thinking you loved me (or just letting me hope) Then suddenly you would push me away And this would continue day after day Yet...some part of me doesnt want to let go Some part tells me you love me and will soon tell me so But as the tears slowly run down my face I know another could never take your place By:Tiffany |
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| © Copyright 2002 DayDreamer99 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jfreak Member
since 1999-06-17
Posts 306Yuma, AZ, USA |
Hey DayDreamer, Just wanted to say that I think you are on to something...in the format of this poem... the way you start it off with the I Hate's isn't bad, and then you break it off into two line segments the rest of the way is all right also...but one thing that I think would really pull the whole piece together and just make it that much stronger is if you ended it the way you started it with a four line segment of another I Hate's or I Love's or any I...Whatever's...Understand what I am getting at? The way you have it is okay...but the scheme is thrown off a little bit when you switch, but if you finish the way you start it would tie it up into a nice little package... J~ |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
I wouldn't want anyone duplicating that person. You are not a yo-yo but a human with a beating heart. Good poem of a darker side of 'love.' |
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DayDreamer99 Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 72 |
thanxz for the response...i didnt end it with more "i hate's" because...well...i didnt want to go over board or make it sound like a poem i had read on here b4...but thanxz for the advice ill keep it in mind Tifferz |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Don't I know these feelings. It's a hoax, I mean really, how many times can a person jump through the same hoops. I've come to the conclusion that there is some truth in lies, and that in itself is a sad sad concept! I liked what you said and how you said it. |
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
I love it...It comes straight from your heart filled with powerful emotions...You did a wonderful job of it..now get rid of him...you deserve so much better. **big hugs**  Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams. |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (tears fall down my cheeks) Oh Tiffany, this is so very sad, my heart goes out to you and I pray with all my heart that you will find someone who really deserves to touch your heart with love! (BIG HUGGGSSSSSS) My thoughts are with you always, sweet friend, I hope you find what your heart desires soon, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Tiffany, thank you for sharing!    May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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