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Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

0 posted 2002-01-26 10:09 PM

I saw you last night across the room.
I kept asking if you knew, knew I was.
Knew I was falling in love even then.
If you felt my eyes, you heard my heart.

Your smile, eyes, your every curve, lips.
Hands that could hold Hercules captive.
A voice that would stop all time forever.
The sound of a flowing breeze over water.

The flood waters of passion drowning me.
Flames of desire licking around my feet.
The weight of the world keeping me there.
My lead limbs not allowing our first...

My tongue on the floor, with my teary eyes.
An inner voice screaming..calling to you.
Can you not hear my mind’s thoughts?
If only I could scribble a note, sail it there.

Rising effortlessly, longest elegant legs.
Aphrodite would have been ever envious.
I watched you leave with my blubbering soul
as shards of broken heart tinkled on the floor.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

1 posted 2002-01-26 10:19 PM

Oh Barry! You just let it all hang out in this one, and then.....she gets up and leaves?! It is a wonder you didn't tackle her right there!

I love this!
Love your wording and imagery here.
Really pulled me in to this one.

Lines such as....
"If you felt my eyes, you heard my heart."

Oh my!! Dare I say 'swoon'
Wonderful Barry, and I know I am rambling but I get like this when excited!

~Hugs, Nancy~

~Time has cast a spell on you,
So you won't ever forget me~

strbbux
Member Elite

since 2001-12-19

Posts 3859

2 posted 2002-01-26 10:25 PM

Oh My Magnus, this is by far the most powerful emotional poem you have written. I love these lines
"I watched you leave with my blubbering soul
as shards of broken heart tinkled on the floor." I can't imagine it being more exressive than this, wonderful poem. floria

Floria

"Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them"
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

3 posted 2002-01-26 10:59 PM

Wow Nancy...and I have really been struggling
today to come up with something to write..
I erased about three poems before I ever
started writing this one....

PLEASED to hear the sighs...the swoon...

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You...

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

4 posted 2002-01-26 11:01 PM

Floria, thank you...I felt like writing this
and trying to be more visual and use some
words that would stand out....Guess I must
have hit the mark...

Thanx much for your thoughts...

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

5 posted 2002-01-26 11:11 PM

If only I could scribble a note, sail it there.
The Look must have said it all, but if not....sail it there....lovely thoughts...sigh~

Lauren~

Step through the
barrier of my mind,
enter my soul,
feel my desire,
let my eyes guide you
into the shadows
of my heart

[This message has been edited by Greeneyes (01-26-2002 11:11 PM).]

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

6 posted 2002-01-26 11:15 PM

Thanx Lauren...just memories of other years
when the quest was love at first sight...
Me...the incurable romantic...so sensitive
and with a heart that shattered too easily..

Marsha

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-10

Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England

7 posted 2002-01-26 11:26 PM

Magnus darling boy this is without doubt one of your utter best, you really are getting to be soooooooooo good. The flow is superb and the imagery in this is exceptional certainly a wonderful piece of writing.

Bravi Bravi Bravissimi

What can I say except this is utterly wonderful.

Love and warm stuff
As always
Mushy

To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace St John ch2 v1

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

8 posted 2002-01-26 11:29 PM

Good morning Mushy....kinda early for you
isn't it...happy to see you again...thanx
for your always utterly wonderful reply...

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

9 posted 2002-01-26 11:45 PM

Something like this happened to me once. A friend walked into my house with a girl that I fell instantly in love with. Who knows, it might have worked...had her husband not walked in a few steps behind!

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

10 posted 2002-01-26 11:59 PM

Duncan...toooo real...and tooo true...

IF only.....

Honeybee
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-26

Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA

11 posted 2002-01-27 12:20 PM

Wow - this is excellent writing, and, I can't pick a favourite line because I have too many! This is beautifully powerful

Take care,
Melissa~

"Poetry is not an opinion expressed...
it is a song that rises from a bleeding
wound...or a smiling mouth"

~Kahlil Gibran~

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

12 posted 2002-01-27 12:24 PM

I have enjoyed many a woman across the room...and then they were gone...James

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

13 posted 2002-01-27 12:28 PM

(big huggsssssss) Sooooooo powerful, sweet friend, your words always amaze me and make me smile! (sigh) May your love forever dazzle you with trust and passion and forever love you for the wonderful person you are! We all love you so much, sweet friend, this is beautiful! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Barry, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Ivy Rose
Senior Member

since 2001-12-29

Posts 1300
MA, USA

14 posted 2002-01-27 12:33 PM

Magnus...I know those feelings well. This is a beautiful, reflective poem. You always write with such passion and fervor in the emotions of the heart. Even when you write about losing love. ***Ivy Rose

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

15 posted 2002-01-27 09:49 AM

This reminded me of a high school dance when I asked a boy to dance.....
he said no!

It is very romantic.

Kathleen--(Kay)
A true friend does not love you for who you are, but in spite of who you are." -- Caroline Tran

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

16 posted 2002-01-27 09:54 AM

Let me see, if I were to critique this poem, I would say....nothing

just

Startime
Member Ascendant

since 2000-10-03

Posts 5918
Canada

17 posted 2002-01-27 10:36 AM

*sigh* love at first sight....*sigh* it is so nice to know it happens to men as well as women...I love this poem, Magnus...the yearning is so passionately strong. I just love the way you write from your heart. **big hugs**

Magnificent.

Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

18 posted 2002-01-27 11:39 AM

Magnus, From start to finish this one is truly wonderful....sighing with a tiny shudder.

Chris

Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away.

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

19 posted 2002-01-27 11:59 AM

Manus--Loved your use of words in this:

"my tongue on the floor"

"blubbering soul"

See what I mean? A wonderful look at thoughts unspoken, now written!

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