Noah, I like the mood and a melody could even be worked in however... just a pointer that if you're going to have a frozen pond on one line, how can you have ripples on the second? Perhaps what you can do is show yourself in different seasons at the same pond and the reader will see the continuum of your love throughout the year.I know what you mean of course, I just think that the ice and the ripples are too close here
**I want to hold you so badly… I want to rest close to your heart…**
*sigh*...i loved the poem..today is my "mourning over my ex boyfriend" day..even though we fought i still miss the way he made me feel like a princess *sigh* o well...i loved your poem...It adds to my day! lol bye! *kisses ya lightly*
~*~*~The Day You Chose To Leave Me,It Rained Constantly Outside,In Truth I Swore The Rain To Be,Tears From Cupids Eyes"..RIP 2Pac~*~*~
I know too well how to murder my work...until I lose sight of all intended rhythm...you were wise to let the song twist itself like that...sometimes we readers forget that a wealth of words need not be there...even between impossibilities...to recognize a lovely song has just been sang... and we only need to soar along on the highest note already there...
Your heart beats out the sweetest rhythms...sing on..
highways, & byways, for now