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Open Poetry #18
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Canuckster
Member
since 2002-01-09
Posts 285
New Mexico, USA

0 posted 2002-01-13 06:16 PM



Abstraction Distraction

When music leaves geometry
and departs from the math’matic
where notes appeal to sentiment
and diverge from the schematic

When (freedom from oppressive rules)
music (life’s blood floods in minor key)
leaves (upon a whim blown by the wind)
geometry (structure holds me back from free)

and (a tie to all I’ve known and see
which then) departs (of all of me
to take on that outside) from the (common life
of those who seek to rebel against the) math’matic.

where (now there’s a question, can you dig?
while I throw) notes (as my heart leads
and I find tones to) appeal to (what our common
pain resonates within the part that catches) sentiment

(Break the rules that hold me back) and
(free me to scat that riff from where I) diverge
(from that which pushes me in the mold) from the
(monkey that rides my back to point at that) schematic

When music leaves geometry
and departs from the math’matic
where notes appeal to sentiment
and diverge from the schematic

© Bart Breen 8/9/2001

never try to teach a pig to sing
it wastes your time AND annoys the pig

© Copyright 2002 Bart Breen - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2002-01-13 06:17 PM


YES!

Startime
Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918
Canada
2 posted 2002-01-13 06:22 PM


BRAVO!!!STANDING OVATION....THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE...I DO NOT THINK I WOULD EVEN ATTEMPT SUCH A THING....I AM IN AWE....WONDERFUL **big hugs**

Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
3 posted 2002-01-13 07:21 PM


Fantastic writing, Bart!
Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296
Michigan
4 posted 2002-01-13 07:21 PM


ABSOLUTELY AWESOME!!

copyright2001 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

Canuckster
Member
since 2002-01-09
Posts 285
New Mexico, USA
5 posted 2002-01-14 08:58 AM


Thanks very much for the responses.  This was a very different write for me that arose out of a chalenge to write something descriptive of Jazz.  I simply tried to do in words what jazz variations do it notes and it is gratifying to see it brought some joy and recognition from those who responded.

Thank you!

never try to teach a pig to sing
it wastes your time AND annoys the pig

Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap
6 posted 2002-01-14 06:13 PM


Unique.

This begs to be harmonized ... I could hear it spoken (sung?) in two parts.

You conquered a tricky endeavor well.

~Linda

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
7 posted 2002-01-14 06:23 PM




ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL!!! I LOVE IT!!!




Love,
Noah Eaton

[This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (01-14-2002 06:24 PM).]

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