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Open Poetry #18
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Life on a Bar room floor
| Open Poetry #18 |
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Life on a Bar room floor |
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OLIAS Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090Pearl city Iowa 
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Life on a bar room floor Bells toll and chatter breaks from bar to street, Damp towels hang from softly weeping brass, There, all around life trodden under feet, Times moments caught, in empty lip stained glass, The matchbooks "call me " numbers never rung, The dollar rose discarded, love bought cheap, The single heroes, lone and still unsung hope alcohol will grant forgetful sleep, The bar mats torn asunder in her hate, Apologetic "doubles " bought in haste, But in these wheeler dealing cards of fate the cruelty and decadence of waste, There left upon the bar for all to see An empty ring box labeled, "Marry me". Olias |
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| © Copyright 2002 Mick Yates - All Rights Reserved | |||
Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
A very sad tale, Olias.  God bless America, my home sweet home. |
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sodpossom Senior Member
since 2001-06-15
Posts 723N.C |
Very descriptive and cleverly done.Very sad ending as it usually is in a bar room. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Now why is it I saw a beam of hope in an otherwise endless morass....? |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
(tears fall down my cheeks) Oh Olias, this is so so sad, my heart cries out to this man and I pray soon life can turn around for him and all the other sad souls there. (wipes tears) This is so sad but well-written, sweet friend, your words are fabulous, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Olias, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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GenXer Senior Member
since 2001-12-15
Posts 583USA |
Olias - This is some really good writing. You described a dingy, dim bar perfectly, and believe me, I should know. I liked the ending as well. I was not expecting that curve ball in the end. Nice write. Dave |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
very descriptive and I love the open end, that allows the reader to draw their own conclusion. Nice, nice work Olias! |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
Excellent writing, Olias...and I love the ending...Its interesting how everyone seems to have his/her own interpretation of it. I think the empty ring box signifies that the ring was given to someone that night...to me, it looks like a happy ending. Please let us know what your real intent was.   copyright2001 Lyra Nesius "poetry is life distilled" Gwendolyn Brooks [This message has been edited by Madame Chipmunk (01-13-2002 02:41 PM).] |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Dear Olias, this is fantastic! I could not only visualize it, I could hear it, feel it and taste it going down!! In other words you took me all the way there. Excellent work!! |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
i agree with Madame..i thought it was a happy ending too..since there was no ring in the box..although i can think of more romantic settings than a bar..unless the guy was too drunk to know what he was doing ha..that it would be a sad ending..  enjoyed Olias ~Vic "To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Nice to see your muse kicked in!! This is good sir.  |
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Chanson Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559Up Creek w/Out Paddle |
Though it has a dismal outcome, I like the story from the unusual vantage point. Well done. |
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OLIAS Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090Pearl city Iowa |
Thank you so much everyone for your wonderful comments and kind encouragement, I am really overwhelmed. My original thoughts were that this was a happy ending but after reading your comments I can see your point, this is what makes the forums such a great learning experience for me, at the click of my mouse I can experience a multitude of perception, emotion and experience. Thank you once again to everyone Regards kind poets Olias. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I know that bar...and everything that happens in it. This is brilliant writing.... |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Wow! Amid all the typical emotional and physical waste at a bar, sat that "Marry Me" note alongside an empty ring box. So well written! |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
where it begins. . . is where it ends?? or some would say. . . these are powerful images here Olias. . . you leave me wondering. . . well done. . . ----------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Olias--a very poignant and well done poem! |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Your attention to detail in this made it incredibly vivid. And the ending...I found redeeming. I really liked this alot, Olias. |
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