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Lucie
Senior Member

since 1999-06-20

Posts 1077
Houston

0 posted 2002-01-10 01:58 PM

You reached a hand to me.. not looking,
but knowing I would be there to take it.
This knowledge ingrained deeply in your soul,
though your heart had doubts.
Startled, your step faltered
as you felt my fingers entwine with yours,
My Love.

You Trusted

You guided me along a path only you could see..
Though you knew not where it led.
I closed my eyes..
following the pull of your hand in mine,
the love in my soul.
Knowing you would protect me from obstacles in our path,
not letting me fall.

I Trusted

Journeying together we shared it all,
laughter, tears, hope, pain and dreams.
Comfortable in our togetherness,
growing accustomed to our own ebb and flow.
Two souls joining together..
fusing two lives..
becoming a more complete being.

We Loved

Someday the path will narrow,
allowing only room for one to travel.
Alone I'll be forced to carry on..
the steps taken more slowly without the guiding hand.
Forced to open eyes and take heed of obstacles alone..
forced to go on.

I'll Live

Don't let go of my hand My Love,
for I will hold your hand for eternity.
Walk with me My Love..
stay with me..
in my heart, in my mind, in my soul.
Until at last my journey is finished
and I have reached lifes destination.

I'll Lead

Remember me with a smile on your face, or please don't remember me at all.

Canuckster
Member

since 2002-01-09

Posts 285
New Mexico, USA

1 posted 2002-01-10 02:05 PM

I like the structure you have with the isolated two word phrases and subsequesnt expansions.

Some more concrete words might add to the impact.

I have a pet peeve that I never-the-less violate on occassion myself so it's by no means an absolute. I believe the word "soul" is one of the most overused words and subsequently its impact is quite low. I always ask myself first, if there is a way I can show the idea in a word picture rather than just saying it. If I can't then I ask myself if there is another word that will get the idea across without the baggage of such an overused word. If I can't then I use it albeit with some misgivings.

I wonder if such an exercise might help increase the impact and strngth of this poem for you?

That having been suggested (and of course, take and leave what you want in my meager offerings) the depth and sincerity of your words are very effective.

Carol Luna
Member

since 2001-12-06

Posts 55

2 posted 2002-01-10 02:19 PM

This means a lot to me, personally. These words, thanks for this one.
I would never critique something so fully meaningful as this.
It's perfect just the way it is.

Carol Luna
~give me peace, no matter what the cost~

Sunset
Member

since 2002-01-08

Posts 80

3 posted 2002-01-10 02:28 PM

Beautiful and heartfelt. Lovely.

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

4 posted 2002-01-10 07:37 PM

Lovely poem Lucie! I really enjoyed it.

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

5 posted 2002-01-11 01:59 AM

Lucie,
What a wonderful return you have penned here. I really like this piece. It covers alot of ground in a relationship...start to finish. I like the imagery and the construction. I really like your tender side.

BUT...isn't it about time for a rumble?! Tag...you're it!

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

6 posted 2002-01-11 05:50 AM

Lucie,
the dawn heralds your return and I bow in welcome. Good life journey here.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

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