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Open Poetry #17
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Present for Her : A Tanka Attempt
| Open Poetry #17 |
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Present for Her : A Tanka Attempt |
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Son Netier Member
since 2001-12-11
Posts 116The Garden State |
Plain blue paper wrap, Red ribbon holds it tightly, Gold tag with her name, She’s asking what hides inside I just smile staying quiet. In an attempt to learn new forms I looked up a definition for *Tanka : The classic form of Japanese poetry with five unrhymed lines of five, seven, five, seven, and seven syllables to produce a concentrated essence of a single event, image or mood.* This is a rather scant explaination, I would appriecate help on understand the form. Bill [This message has been edited by Son Netier (edited 12-13-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Bill Shivers - All Rights Reserved | |||
Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
I think you did fine...but I am going to dig out the book and see if I can lend some thought to it.... |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (smiles) YES, YES, THIS IS A TANKA, AND WHAT A BEAUTIFUL TANKA IT IS!!! (big hugggssss) It's always so wonderful to see the smile on ones face when one looks at a present you give them! (smiles) Sooooooo beautiful! You always have such lovely suprises in your beautiful words, I love them!!! (big hugggsssss) You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Son, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
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Son Netier Member
since 2001-12-11
Posts 116The Garden State |
Mangus, I’ll look forward to further clarification, so my poetry can improve, any thoughts are welcome. Noah, You are so kind, your responses are always a joy to receive Bill |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
She smiles from inside and out She knows he loves her How will she return his love? It may take her a lifetime... Bill - Come join us in the workshop - We've got an ongoing Choka there - It's a community effort - a proverbial trail of Tanka...  |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
I don't know much about this form. I do enjoy learning new forms though. I loved the simplicity of this poem, it made me feel like a child again with a present presented  to me.Kathleen (Kay) |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
Like it a lot Charisma ~*Theresia~* |
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Chanson Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559Up Creek w/Out Paddle |
Ahhhh, the anticipation of opening a gift. Said nicely in so few words. Music, perfectly pitched, |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I do think you have the Tanka down. And remember this is Japanese poetry as is the Haiku...they are both spare of word but full of image and feeling.  |
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
I don't know anything about them but I do know what I like and this poem I like very much. BRAVO!!!!More please. **hug**   Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams. |
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