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Open Poetry #17
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Jeffrey E. Osborne
Member
since 2001-11-01
Posts 160
out there

0 posted 2001-12-08 02:15 AM


    It has been over 15 years since I last attempted to write a haiku/senryu. I had given up, believing it too difficult to fully express an idea in such a short confined structure. But after reading so many beautiful examples here in Passions of this challenging poetic style, I thought I'd give it another try. Please feel free to give me your honest opinions regarding this poem; I'm always eager to hear ways I can improve my craft.  

----------------------------------------------------
crystalline clear blue
held transfixed by their beauty
lovelight fills her eyes

"people say I should learn some self-control, but I just want to exorcise my soul"

© Copyright 2001 Jeff Osborne - All Rights Reserved
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL
1 posted 2001-12-08 02:59 AM


hmm...aside from seeing crystalline and blue eyes all over the poetic map, I enjoyed this one, Jeffey!   LOL! perhaps I'm a bit biased on the eye color issue though? Its good to see you, Dear Sir!  

Your storm of assumption feeds anger I am calm enough to hold inside. Don't pretend to know me if you've never put stretched out your heart with since

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
2 posted 2001-12-08 10:08 AM


I think your poem is beautiful..good job!  
Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
3 posted 2001-12-08 11:50 AM




(sigh) Oh Jeffrey, you are soooooooo romantic, the beauty of your loves eyes shine in this gorgeous poem! (smiles) I'm so happy you wrote senryu again, you write them so beautifully! (smiles) I love it, sweet friend! (big hugggssss) You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Jeffrey, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

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