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Open Poetry #17
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Blues For The Madman (8000)
| Open Poetry #17 |
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Blues For The Madman (8000) |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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destruction of a young man's dream... Embryonic, child, he clings... Seeking safety, shelter being, looking without ever seeing. Withered vine, anguished child, he clings... cloaked in sadness-- he is exactly as he seems. Without a word, he will be heard-- such sorrow in a madman's screams. *repost from Open #5* I want to wish everyone a Happy Holiday as well. Be Good, I'll be watching you!  As JM says, "Later Poet-Gators!" |
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| © Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Serenity, A classy write, enjoyed. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Well you know this write touches me.... And Congrats on 8000 baby ... and girl...GET THAT MODEM HOOKED UP TO SOMETHING... I dont care if solar powered... hell, how bout CANDLE POWERED and when you cant be here...you better be writing those pretty prose pieces... AND...email me those RHYMES Arent I a bossy moth   love you KA me Sprayed across my heart and hers |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Excellent writing... and a great one for your 8  posts...Regards, sudhir |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
 Congratulations! And may the poems continue (in between your prose that is!) Kathleen (Kay) |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Karen, great write!  Congratulations on your 8000th post!! Happy Holidays to you as well!! ~Hugs, Nancy~ "A dream is a wish your heart makes..." |
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Auguste 
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953By the sea |
What a way to ring in your 8,000th post! Great work here and CONGRATULATIONS, my friend. Michael Michael Auguste~ |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
what a way to celebrate your milestone...... looking forward for another 8000.... Charisma ~*Theresia~* |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Well, 8000 is a lot. You have made every one special. Sandra |
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Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
Your poetry is as unique as your replies...neither of which Passions can do without...don't stay gone long... and Congratulations! |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
YES! Completely loving this, Serenity. VERY impressive flow and syllable organization, rhyme scheme... very sound poem. Just one thing... the flow is such a strong part of this poem, and the rhymes, small space between them. I have to comment on the word "without." You use it as "WITH/out" which is fine, but the reader might tend to go with "with/OUT" which trips the meter up. I thought "AND/not" would sound better than "WITH/out" here. "Vine" doesn't rhyme with anything, nor "Child." It doesn't hurt but I noticed it. They might need to be grouped perhaps? Other than that, the last stanza? Absolutely perfect, Serenity. Just one stitch again with the meter. "he is" is "he/IS" in your scheme, but might be read as "HE/IS" or "HE/is" in some eyes. I almost don't want to mention this, but you could make it more airtight. It's hardly necessary though. This has to be one of my favourite poems by you, it just flows and conveys a very effective message within. Excellent work, Serenity. You've impressed me once more. (edited in) I forgot to mention that I love the double-rhyming "sadness" and "madness." The end is perfect too... Quite the storyteller you are, witch-lady. (second edit) Oh and forgive me, I guess it wasn't just "one thing" after all... LOL...  ~Allan "I know it's nice to be known - It caresses your ego - but the society cost is terrible." ~Vangelis [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 12-07-2001).] |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Thanks all--and Allan? You have touched upon my mental block regarding meter. I have to HEAR it---and I beat my head against the wall arguing with myself that the meter can be construed by the reading...yanno? As for my wither vine rhyme...sometimes I stray from tight rhymes as yanno, and rely on assonance...and alas, just as you come back, I must go for a bit...Still lurking until the 10th though. But wanted to let you know that I appreciate very much the effort you put into critiquing my work. Thanks much. Hugs to all....(serenity exits, going through poetic withdrawals already...) |
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Startime Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918Canada |
MAGNIFICENT!!! WHAT A WONDERFUL POEM FOR YOU 8000TH. I LOVE IT!!! I LOVE IT!!!!   Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams. |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
I've told you that I'm glad that you're my friend right???  you write with passion unfound. . . and that's always been what I've loved about it. . . and, just think. . . you're only getting better. . . ------------------------------------------------------ To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
"such sorrow in a madman's screams" even when they are silent.. even then. It would have been a contract maker.  their loss. "too bad ignorance isn't painful" |
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adagio Member
since 2005-03-19
Posts 449Marrero, La. |
I ask you respectfully "Am I exactly what I seem?" one too many malted-Barley bevs tonight? w hatever does that mean? adagio ? |
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