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Passions in Poetry

Blues For The Madman (8000)

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serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


0 posted 12-07-2001 09:26 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for serenity blaze

The worst injustice ever seen--
destruction of a young man's dream...
Embryonic, child, he clings...
Seeking safety,
shelter being,
looking without ever seeing.
Withered vine,
anguished child,
he clings...


Lost in madness
cloaked in sadness--
he is exactly as he seems.
Without a word,
he will be heard--
such sorrow in a madman's screams.



*repost from Open #5*
I want to wish everyone a Happy Holiday as well. Be Good, I'll be watching you!   As JM says, "Later Poet-Gators!"


© Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Seymour Tabin
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since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


1 posted 12-07-2001 09:29 AM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Serenity,
A classy write, enjoyed.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


2 posted 12-07-2001 09:55 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Well you know this write touches me....
And Congrats on 8000 baby ...
and girl...GET THAT MODEM HOOKED UP TO SOMETHING...
I dont care if solar powered...
hell, how bout CANDLE POWERED  
and when you cant be here...you better be writing those pretty prose pieces...
AND...email me those RHYMES  
Arent I a bossy moth  
love you KA
me

Sprayed across my heart and hers
danced butterflies in the wild.
This angel, this woman,
who loves me with the innocence of a child.

DeVante'

Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


3 posted 12-07-2001 11:10 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Excellent writing... and a great one for your 8 posts...

Regards,
sudhir
Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 04-06-2000
Posts 10553


4 posted 12-07-2001 11:45 AM       View Profile for Irish Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Irish Rose



Congratulations!  

And may the poems continue (in between your prose that is!)

Kathleen (Kay)
"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass, and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee

Enchantress
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since 08-14-2001
Posts 37801
Somewhere in time~


5 posted 12-07-2001 12:28 PM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

Karen, great write!
   Congratulations on your 8000th post!!
Happy Holidays to you as well!!
   ~Hugs, Nancy~

"A dream is a wish your heart makes..."

Auguste
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Member Ascendant
since 02-16-2000
Posts 5326
By the sea


6 posted 12-07-2001 02:14 PM       View Profile for Auguste   Email Auguste   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Auguste's Home Page   View IP for Auguste

What a way to ring in your 8,000th post!     Great work here and CONGRATULATIONS, my friend.

Michael

Michael Auguste~
There is more depth to the heart than the mind can comprehend and it only has boundaries when we choose to fence it in.  

Charisma
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Member Ascendant
since 09-30-2000
Posts 6029
lost in blue pages


7 posted 12-07-2001 02:20 PM       View Profile for Charisma   Email Charisma   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Charisma's Home Page   View IP for Charisma

what a way to celebrate your milestone......
looking forward for another 8000....  

Charisma

~*Theresia~*

catalinamoon
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Member Rara Avis
since 06-03-2000
Posts 9897
The Shores of Alone


8 posted 12-07-2001 02:43 PM       View Profile for catalinamoon   Email catalinamoon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit catalinamoon's Home Page   View IP for catalinamoon

Well, 8000 is a lot. You have made every one special.
Sandra
Lady In White
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Member Elite
since 02-12-2001
Posts 2919
USA


9 posted 12-07-2001 03:27 PM       View Profile for Lady In White   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lady In White


Your poetry is as unique as your replies...neither of which Passions can do without...don't stay gone long...

and Congratulations!
Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 01-04-2001
Posts 4212
Winnipeg


10 posted 12-07-2001 05:13 PM       View Profile for Allan Riverwood   Email Allan Riverwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allan Riverwood

YES!  
Completely loving this, Serenity.  VERY impressive flow and syllable organization, rhyme scheme... very sound poem.

Just one thing... the flow is such a strong part of this poem, and the rhymes, small space between them.  I have to comment on the word "without."  You use it as "WITH/out" which is fine, but the reader might tend to go with "with/OUT" which trips the meter up.  I thought "AND/not" would sound better than "WITH/out" here.

"Vine" doesn't rhyme with anything, nor "Child."  It doesn't hurt but I noticed it.  They might need to be grouped perhaps?

Other than that, the last stanza?  Absolutely perfect, Serenity.  Just one stitch again with the meter.  "he is" is "he/IS" in your scheme, but might be read as "HE/IS" or "HE/is" in some eyes.  I almost don't want to mention this, but you could make it more airtight.

It's hardly necessary though.  This has to be one of my favourite poems by you, it just flows and conveys a very effective message within.

Excellent work, Serenity.  You've impressed me once more.

(edited in)

I forgot to mention that I love the double-rhyming "sadness" and "madness."
The end is perfect too...
Quite the storyteller you are, witch-lady.

  

(second edit)

Oh and forgive me, I guess it wasn't just "one thing" after all... LOL...  

~Allan

"I know it's nice to be known - It caresses your ego - but the society cost is terrible."
~Vangelis

[This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 12-07-2001).]

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


11 posted 12-07-2001 06:34 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Thanks all--and Allan? You have touched upon my mental block regarding meter. I have to HEAR it---and I beat my head against the wall arguing with myself that the meter can be construed by the reading...yanno?

As for my wither vine rhyme...sometimes I stray from tight rhymes as yanno, and rely on assonance...and alas, just as you come back, I must go for a bit...Still lurking until the 10th though. But wanted to let you know that I appreciate very much the effort you put into critiquing my work. Thanks much.  

Hugs to all....(serenity exits, going through poetic withdrawals already...)
Startime
Member Ascendant
since 10-03-2000
Posts 6143
Canada


12 posted 12-07-2001 06:56 PM       View Profile for Startime   Email Startime   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Startime's Home Page   View IP for Startime

MAGNIFICENT!!!
WHAT A WONDERFUL POEM FOR YOU 8000TH.
I LOVE IT!!! I LOVE IT!!!!




Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

Sven
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Member Laureate
since 11-23-1999
Posts 15611
Lansing, MI USA


13 posted 12-07-2001 11:46 PM       View Profile for Sven   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sven

I've told you that I'm glad that you're my friend right???  

you write with passion unfound. . . and that's always been what I've loved about it. . . and, just think. . . you're only getting better. . .

------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


14 posted 06-17-2008 03:50 PM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

"such sorrow in a madman's screams"

even when they are silent..

even then.

It would have been a contract maker. their loss.



"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

adagio
Member
since 03-19-2005
Posts 453
Marrero, La.


15 posted 06-30-2009 09:37 PM       View Profile for adagio   Email adagio   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for adagio

I ask you respectfully "Am I exactly what I seem?"


one too many malted-Barley bevs tonight?




w hatever does that mean?

adagio ?

 
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