**repost from Dec 2000 at the request of a friend,
and because this weekends blue moon lets me know its time.
in loving memory of DeVante' ... always.
Tonight I felt you ... felt you move inside of me,
felt your restlessness in my soul.
As I sat beneath the silver moon
the November chill made me tremble,
yet, the cold made me feel alive.
My own warm tears felt estranged on my cheeks.
Knees pulled up to my chest, arms locked around them,
embraced by my ache of missing you.
Eyes to ebony skies ... searching the stars,
there is that one that shines brighter
with an emerald spark--a jade glow,
and I just know.
I catch my breath and hold it in ...
my lungs wanting to explode.
Sometimes I want to scream.
Scream from a place so deep inside
that even I've never been there alone.
Sometimes I feel like I could bleed forever,
bleed out of my skin ... bleed from my eyes.
Crying's no longer enough,
there aren't enough tears to release me.
And I cant write enough poetry either,
there's not enough rhyme to purge this.
Besides, my words never do you justice,
and tonight ... neither does the moon.
And I know where all this is coming from.
As the calendar counts off the days ...
screaming wont stop this time's arrival.
Neither can tears, nor poetry ...
for the seasons have nearly come full circle,
as the earth quietly ... constantly keeps time.
Each new day's offering of golden sunrises ...
of rose washed sunsets and a phasing blue moon ...
all serve to remind.
And the memories all come flooding back ...
My first winter with you ... learning to accept it would also be my last.
The way you prepared me to open my heart --
to let go of you ... to let you fly.
The promise to be the wind beneath your wings.
And I remember the day I saw time ... actually witnessed its passage.
That winter's day in the clocktower square.
The millennium clock counting off the seconds,
the minutes, till the years end.
I can still feel the way my knees went weak
and my chest drew in tight.
And I remember thinking ... if I held that breath forever ...
maybe I could make time stand still.
But angels and butterflies aren't held to mortal time.
And just like I had to let go of that breath,
I soon had to let go of you.
So now November again gives way to December
and I see your shadow there.
And I wonder ...
does anyone else question why we feel the need to measure pain?
Why do we mark our losses in the passage of time?
Each passing day weighs out equal.
One hour, one week, one month, one year,
the memory is just as treasured ...
and it's only those moments that matter.
Should the stars all fall from the sky ...
should the moon forget to shine,
let the winds of change blow ...
let the tides wash away the sands of time.
I wont ever let this go, you will never fade in me.
And as time marks the moment ... the night you took flight,
each of us who lived in your light will engrave again it in our hearts.
Still I know ... there will always be that moment etched in time,
as if--like me ... destiny held it's breath ...
and it will be forever December.
"And I can remember ... Forever December.
The center of dying, the heart of the pain.
The rose in the bottle, the thorns in the bottom
The stars surround me, the cold astounds me"
he said ... "dont cry" ...
said "it only hurts forever ... and all we have is time."
[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (edited 12-02-2001).]