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Passions in Poetry

Forever December

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serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


25 posted 12-02-2001 11:45 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

I am back....smile...

loved the title of this...
and of course your personality and caring shine through!

You once said I had my own style? Well you have yours too, and it's so soothing and lovely---Reading you is like being rocked lovingly, very nurturing special lady!
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


26 posted 12-02-2001 11:50 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

JM, I'm not going to insult this poem by trying to respond to it. Just know that I know it is a masterpiece of work...
OLIAS
Senior Member
since 06-20-2000
Posts 1031
Pearl city Iowa


27 posted 12-02-2001 11:53 PM       View Profile for OLIAS   Email OLIAS   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for OLIAS

Put the poetry on hold and  write that novel, with lines like these flowing from your pen its in the bag. Great work, I havent the words so I wont try. Just to say I liked.

Regards and take care,
Olias.
EagleScorpion
Senior Member
since 03-08-2000
Posts 1705
Here, Now, Forever


28 posted 12-02-2001 11:57 PM       View Profile for EagleScorpion   Email EagleScorpion   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for EagleScorpion

ahhh....

THERES A BLUE MOON UP IN THE SKY TONIGHT,
AND THE STARS AND SHINING, THE TIME IS RIGHT,
AND I KNOW YOU LOVE ME WHEN YOU HOLD ME TIGHT,
THERES A BLUE MOON UP IN THE SKY TONIGHT.

AAhhhhh yes the winds of change are blowing wild and free. Nothing ever destroys a lasting memory, for it is forever december, and you will see this person again whenever forever comes.

Love is God. Love is war. Love is what your life is for.

snowpants
Member Elite
since 09-16-2000
Posts 2086
KS


29 posted 12-03-2001 12:17 AM       View Profile for snowpants   Email snowpants   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit snowpants's Home Page   View IP for snowpants

'Tonight I felt you ... felt you move inside of me,
felt your restlessness in my soul.
As I sat beneath the silver moon
the November chill made me tremble,
yet, the cold made me feel alive.
My own warm tears felt estranged on my cheeks.
Knees pulled up to my chest, arms locked around them,
embraced by my ache of missing you.
Eyes to ebony skies ... searching the stars,
there is that one that shines brighter
with an emerald spark--a jade glow,
and I just know.'

'Still I know ... there will always be that moment etched in time,
as if--like me ... destiny held it's breath ...
and it will be forever December.'

Dear Lord, J...now you've definitely given some competition to 'In Rhythm with the Rain'...I'll have to think this one over...we could just have...*drum roll*...a  new favorite...ok, I know it's a repost, but anyway...maybe a tie... ...well, this is spectacular in every way...the cadence, images, just the general feel...fantastic work as always, J...makes me miss your muse as much as you do now...sheesh... ...great write, girlie...

k     

And did you know with the rain in your pockets,
you can change the weather...

rwood
Member Elite
since 02-29-2000
Posts 3797
Tennessee


30 posted 12-03-2001 06:27 AM       View Profile for rwood   Email rwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rwood

This is my 4th read and I still don't know what to say. You have brought forth emotions and memories that I can only quietly connect, and give you a sisterly squeeze of hand. {{hugs}}


Sincerely,
Regina
Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 07-29-2000
Posts 9235
Victoria Australia


31 posted 12-03-2001 06:43 AM       View Profile for Kethry   Email Kethry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kethry

Wow Janet,
I held my breath and got swept along in the whitewater torrent of emotion, drowning on occasions beneath it's turbulent surface but always swirling back to be pushed forward...but your words always do this to me. Then they toss me to the shore where I lie too weak to move.  Powerful, magical and painful write...but so wondrous.
Write on
Keth

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind.  Unknown


Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


32 posted 12-03-2001 08:34 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Martie-girl ..thank you sweets ...you know how i love that verse and its special meaning....thank you for the hugs...I know that you know...more quiet comfort  

Startime... thank you very much ... it tis and honor to be in your library .. thank you for this lovely, enthusiastic reply  

Jenn ... Im honored and touched that you would share this with your hubby. I hope it offers him some light. "They" say that when a loved one dies on a birthday that it opens a special door to heaven. Thank you so much for your gracious compliments to my work  

Alicia ... your replies are like poetry only you would say "coated me"  
thank you sweets so much for the encouraging words. Ive missed you,
I hope all is well with you too.  

Titia ... thank you for the beauitiful reply, so good to see you here. Yes, Dec holds many memories for me in my time with this beautiful man.  

Songbird ... Im sorry for your loss...I hope this maybe brought some good memories for you too...thank you for your kind words.  

Marina-girl  ... yes you are so right...they are in a better place. Thank you dear friend...I know Dec hold many emotions for you as well ... more quiet comfort.  

Joe ... breathless is good !!   thank you poet sir for coming by to read and again Welcome to Poetry Land.

Tracy ... thank you for this complimentary and understanding reply. I hope they were good memories for you as well.   Im sure there are many here who relate to this on all levels. thanks for the "incredible".

Eloise ... how great to see you back here...seems like its been a while. I will look for your work in these much to fast pages. Do ya believe how much its grown.  
thank you for the kind words.

KA ... baby you gotta stop going away...the weekends are long enough  
thank you me twin...moth style or not tis all mine LOL Im not sure how I could bottle it though ... not as easy to sell as your rhyme water    

Balladeer....YOU can "insult" me anytime with a wonderful reply like that  
coming from you that is high praise...thank you so much Michael  

Olias....trust me my friend...your words did just fine.   Thank you so much for such lovely compliments. A novel? I can barely get me moody muse to give me poetry anymore.  LOL thank you poet sir  

Eagle S ...  yes your right I will   thank you so much for the cool verse and the kind words poet sir  

Kris-girlie.....wow....Up there with Rhythm? well knowing how much you like that one, I am complimented   thank you so much for this very cool reply...me thinks its my first drum roll  hehe Coming from one who does free verse so well, I am thrilled you like this one so much. Thanks K muchly  

Regina... thank you so much....your replies intent touched me....your words were perfect   thank you for the sisterly hug too ...anyone who can read my work 4 times deserves a hug  *L* Thank you dear poetess  

Keth ...  my goodness...what a wonderful compliment...your reply reads like poetry  
thank you so much girlie for such gracious and generous praise ...
its sooooo good to have you back on the blue pages  


I am deeply touched by all the replies ....you guys never cease to amaze me.
Thank you so very much for the wonderful heartfelt responses to this.
I always say that I cant take all the credit for my Vante' poetry....for I know Im not writing them alone. I merely hold the pen for my butterfly muse  
my love and respect to Poetry Land  

he said ... "dont cry" ...
said "it only hurts forever ... and all we have is time."

~Tabitha's Secret~

Mother_Earth
Senior Member
since 11-20-2000
Posts 1387
1/2 year Texas & 1/2 year Mich


33 posted 12-03-2001 10:51 AM       View Profile for Mother_Earth   Email Mother_Earth   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mother_Earth

Janet Marie, this is so beautiful and from the heart.  I think all of us can "use" parts of this in our own lives.  Thank you for sharing your loved one with us.  Are you feeling better?  Love dear and thanks,  Mother_Earth
Sudhir Iyer
Member Rara Avis
since 04-26-2000
Posts 7206
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium


34 posted 12-03-2001 10:58 AM       View Profile for Sudhir Iyer   Email Sudhir Iyer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sudhir Iyer

Forever you,
Forever Janet,
Forever BRILLIANT!!!!

regards,
sudhir
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


35 posted 12-03-2001 10:40 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

M.E. ... hey....so good to see your name here again...welcome back...hows the weather in Texas LOL....thank you so much for the kind words...and Im feeling better thanks for asking..think it was the 24 bug...

Sudhir....thank you thank you thank you my BRILLIANT friend  


thanks so much guys  
jm

he said ... "dont cry" ...
said "it only hurts forever ... and all we have is time."

~Tabitha's Secret~

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


36 posted 12-06-2001 03:19 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Janet,

so sadly, beautifully and tenderly written. I echo Martie.

Maree  
Gentle Spirit
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since 10-09-2000
Posts 14329


37 posted 12-06-2001 03:37 PM       View Profile for Gentle Spirit   Email Gentle Spirit   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Gentle Spirit

Janet the near loss of my love last year
made me realize how precious love is.  Your words here capture that all so well.
Hugs dear poetess.

On the wings of words our spirits fly....and our souls are free.
~Me~

(I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the dance~Garth)

Charisma
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Member Ascendant
since 09-30-2000
Posts 6029
lost in blue pages


38 posted 12-06-2001 04:01 PM       View Profile for Charisma   Email Charisma   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Charisma's Home Page   View IP for Charisma

Wish I had the right words to tell you how your words moved my heart....

(((warm hugs)))
Charisma

~*Theresia~*

Duncan
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since 08-07-2001
Posts 5716


39 posted 12-06-2001 11:26 PM       View Profile for Duncan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Duncan

And I wonder ...
does anyone else question why we feel the need to measure pain?
Why do we mark our losses in the passage of time?

I wish I could tell you how deeply I felt these words.  I'm glad you reposted since I wasn't around to see it the first time.
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 07-23-99
Posts 3654
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion


40 posted 12-06-2001 11:53 PM       View Profile for LngJhnAg   Email LngJhnAg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LngJhnAg

Janet - Of all the poetry you've written, and all the poetry that has been posted here, this has got to be one of the most emotional, deepest poems I've read.  Well done, well done, indeed.  If this is from your heart, I know why it is so well written.  If it isn't, then you are all the more incredible for writing it.
Larry C
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Member Patricius
since 09-10-2001
Posts 10765
United States


41 posted 12-07-2001 12:01 AM       View Profile for Larry C   Email Larry C   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Larry C's Home Page   View IP for Larry C

Janet Marie,
If not in the past...in the future, we will all experience this pain. My wife lost her sister and I had to share your poem. We are both so moved by our feelings which you have so effectively expressed. What a wonderful gift for us you have made of your love. Thank you. (And get well.) Peace.

Sin isn't fair, but God got even, grace isn't fair either.  larry c

Allan Riverwood
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Member Elite
since 01-04-2001
Posts 4212
Winnipeg


42 posted 12-07-2001 01:02 AM       View Profile for Allan Riverwood   Email Allan Riverwood   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Allan Riverwood

Janet, dahling...  

I can't believe you've gotten such a response on this poem.  I've never gotten so many replies to one of my poems... you should be proud...  

Seems like everyone's got the general praise part down... so I'll dispense with it and hop into critique.

Head first, here I go!  

First stanza... well the first two sentences are along the same lines but don't fit with one another.  "Felt you... felt you" struck me as odd.  You might change it to "I felt you tonight," to save this from being a problem.

The word "yet" doesn't need a comma after it.  That disrupts the flow.

Second stanza.  "My lungs wanting to explode" doesn't go with the way you were describing the first or third line.  "My lungs want to explode" might be a good revision, it would fit in better.  And instead of the ellipse, a simple line break would suffice, in most of (if not just all of) the spots where you used ellipse.  I understand the importance of ellipse in poetry, but in here I just felt that it spaced too many of the thoughts apart.

Third stanza is sound except... why oh why use that horrid, horrid cliche at the end... it really takes a lot away from the poem.  A LOT.  

Stanza four is astounding, it's my favourite stanza of the poem.  The only thing that I didn't like was the ellipse, which hampered the flow once more.  But the description of the flowing of time, the memories and the contrasting between your current and past states of mind... is really well crafted here.

Fifth "stanza," the stand alone line, is fine.  Angels and butterflies are a bit overused in poetry but that's fine for the purpose you intended it.  It didn't do harm.

Sixth stanza.  You use passage and passing too closely together, it sounds redundant.      Memory, those moments, that matter.  VERY nice consonance with these words, they all sound just lovely.

Ok, here's the last stanza...
Winds of change, tides wash away, sands of time...
A few phrases that I felt were borderline cliche... but once more, they don't really harm the poem all that much.  I'd still try to find a way around at least "sands of time" and "winds of change."
"Engrave again it in our hearts," that should be reworded.  "Engrave it again in our hearts," perhaps?

Nice closing... you ended with the title, but it made sense.  That tends to be cheesy but not here... it was lead up to and not anticipated.  

Overall, Janet, I'd say that I'm moderately impressed with the overall quality of this piece.  As the first poem of yours I've read (or can remember reading, for that matter), I can't exactly weigh it against anything else you've done.  However, the description of emotion was rather clear, and the ponderings and philosophical value of the narrator's proposals is quite good, actually.

I've got my eye on you, Janet.

In anticipation,
~Allan

"I know it's nice to be known - It caresses your ego - but the society cost is terrible."
~Vangelis

[This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 12-07-2001).]

Larry C
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Member Patricius
since 09-10-2001
Posts 10765
United States


43 posted 12-07-2001 01:22 AM       View Profile for Larry C   Email Larry C   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Larry C's Home Page   View IP for Larry C

Janet Marie,
Regardless, I came back to save this poem. Thank you dear.  

The past is history and the future is a mystery, but today is a gift and that is why it is the present!

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


44 posted 12-07-2001 01:39 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Thank you Larry & ALL for these absolutley amazing replies...I will be back in morning to reply to each of you..but if I dont shut this puter down its gonna fry  

Allan...that was FAST service poet sir  
THANK YOU so much for the constructive critique....its always hard to look unbiasedly at piece from a year ago and also one so personal.
But if we are to grow as poets we need fresh eyes to let us view the poetry thru.
Thanks for lending me yours.

I'll get back to you too  
later poet-gators
jm
Mysteria
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since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


45 posted 12-07-2001 02:47 AM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

I do believe this is the first time I have felt a soul weep tears of remember such as you have done here for DaVante and also yourself JM.  I think that December is the time of remember for a reason.  What a gift he gave you, and what a gift you share with us, as this kind of love is rarely written and shared with such truth, depth, and passion.  Perhaps December is the month of remember to rekindle memories in your heart, for it our memories that fill us up with love when we need it most.  Huge hugs for you and our angel too.  I think he would want you to see the wonder in the moon and stars though    I have no adjective to describe this writing, it just is as it should be JM, and I thank you for sharing this wonder with me.

~*~  Carpe' Diem  ~*~

[This message has been edited by Mysteria (edited 12-07-2001).]

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


46 posted 12-07-2001 03:03 AM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

Heart and soul wrapped up in this emotional work of art.
Superb
Liz
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


47 posted 12-07-2001 09:28 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Maree... hey you   good to see your smile back in here ... thank you so much for coming in and finding this one and for the kind words. I hope to get to read some of you soon too  

Donna ... thank you very much for the hugs and kind words. Im so happy to hear you realize the gift of your second chance....we cant waste one moment. TY  

Charisma ... trust me sweet poet... you DID find the right words  
thank you very much  

Duncan ...  hey-theres our poet of few words   thank you so much D..your reply's depth was felt, trust me  TY  

Long John  ... Your reply humbles me poet sir...truly....and I thank you very very much for such wonderful compliments and letting me know that you felt the words,  for that is the reason they need to be written and then shared. I am still constantly amazed and touched at the power of the written word. Thank you for touching me with yours  

Larry ... Im so thrilled you found healing for your familys loss in my words...that touches me deep and also allows Vante's light to touch you. Thank you so very very much for that and I am most honored to be in your library.
Again, thank you so much.  


Allan ... Im going to cut and copy your reply so that I can take it and lay it beside the poem and then go throught it line by line....I thank you so much for coming by as I asked. I truly appreciate the time that it takes to give in depth replies like this, I know in these busy forums its not easy to do. But if we are all to continue growing and  to keep learning more about poetry and also how to share poetry, we must also learn how to read it and share what we found in each others words. Thanks for sharing with me    I'll be in touch.  OH and when I listed some of  my "weaknesses" to you in that email...I fogot to tell you about my ellipses additction LOL...guess you got that on your own LOL thank you poet sir  

Sharon ... hey Lady...welcome back   and thank you so much for this very touching and humbling reply, I know you understand the loss all too well and I thank you for the understanding and acceptance. December holds so much significance as it was my last month with him, and we all knew it near was the end of our time with this extraordianary man.The holidays and his New Years Eve Birthday made that even more significant, but also it was 1999--the year of the coming new Milleneum. The "countdown" to the years end that was so hugely anticipated added to the intensity and ache of knowing time was slipping away. It was like the whole world was wanting the time to pass beond Y-2K and I just wanted to make time stand still. Thank you so much for Sharon for this wonderful reply and allowing me to share him.

Lizzie ... hello sweet poetess ... a superb from you is high and humbling praise and I thank you so much   I hope you are feeling well. I was so thrilled to hear about your  trip to meet Martie. How lucky you both are   take care of you dear one  


Thank you seems too little to say for these kind of touching replies...
Any sharing of him allows his light to continue touching others, and that is another promise kept. The lesson was learning to accept that sometimes we have to be able to love someone enough to show them we can let them go and celebrate the gifts we found in our time and to savor each moment. A lesson we have all had to learn on different levels in the light of these troubled and tradgic times.  
Something that we will hopefully all share in the coming holidays with our loved ones.
Thank you all for what you share with me....as I am so much better for your touch.
love and respect to poetry land.  

Sprayed across my heart and hers
danced butterflies in the wild.
This angel, this woman,
who loves me with the innocence of a child.

DeVante'

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 07-25-2000
Posts 9136
Somewhere... out there...


48 posted 12-12-2001 03:03 AM       View Profile for vlraynes   Email vlraynes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit vlraynes's Home Page   View IP for vlraynes


Janet Marie-
   Oh yes...I remember this one very well.
   This is such an absolutely beautiful
   piece of your heart and is one of my
   favorites of yours.  I'm REALLY glad
   you reposted it for us.
   Great big HUGS,
   ~Vicky


"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


49 posted 12-12-2001 01:27 PM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

If there ever comes a time when this fails to touch me to the depth of my being, I'll know I've breathed my last... for this isn't just superb writing, it's confirmation that not even death can destroy love... and that empty arms cannot rob a heart of what it holds. *S* Beautiful!
 
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