I can't believe you've gotten such a response on this poem. I've never gotten so many replies to one of my poems... you should be proud...
Seems like everyone's got the general praise part down... so I'll dispense with it and hop into critique.
Head first, here I go!
First stanza... well the first two sentences are along the same lines but don't fit with one another. "Felt you... felt you" struck me as odd. You might change it to "I felt you tonight," to save this from being a problem.
The word "yet" doesn't need a comma after it. That disrupts the flow.
Second stanza. "My lungs wanting to explode" doesn't go with the way you were describing the first or third line. "My lungs want to explode" might be a good revision, it would fit in better. And instead of the ellipse, a simple line break would suffice, in most of (if not just all of) the spots where you used ellipse. I understand the importance of ellipse in poetry, but in here I just felt that it spaced too many of the thoughts apart.
Third stanza is sound except... why oh why use that horrid, horrid cliche at the end... it really takes a lot away from the poem. A LOT.
Stanza four is astounding, it's my favourite stanza of the poem. The only thing that I didn't like was the ellipse, which hampered the flow once more. But the description of the flowing of time, the memories and the contrasting between your current and past states of mind... is really well crafted here.
Fifth "stanza," the stand alone line, is fine. Angels and butterflies are a bit overused in poetry but that's fine for the purpose you intended it. It didn't do harm.
Sixth stanza. You use passage and passing too closely together, it sounds redundant. Memory, those moments, that matter. VERY nice consonance with these words, they all sound just lovely.
Ok, here's the last stanza...
Winds of change, tides wash away, sands of time...
A few phrases that I felt were borderline cliche... but once more, they don't really harm the poem all that much. I'd still try to find a way around at least "sands of time" and "winds of change."
"Engrave again it in our hearts," that should be reworded. "Engrave it again in our hearts," perhaps?
Nice closing... you ended with the title, but it made sense. That tends to be cheesy but not here... it was lead up to and not anticipated.
Overall, Janet, I'd say that I'm moderately impressed with the overall quality of this piece. As the first poem of yours I've read (or can remember reading, for that matter), I can't exactly weigh it against anything else you've done. However, the description of emotion was rather clear, and the ponderings and philosophical value of the narrator's proposals is quite good, actually.
I've got my eye on you, Janet.
"I know it's nice to be known - It caresses your ego - but the society cost is terrible."
[This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 12-07-2001).]