Undoing : A Gloom Sonnet - pipTalk Forums

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Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

0 posted 2001-11-27 05:51 AM

Untie these broken laces binding shoes,
Open the buttons that I always lose,
Remove the scarf that then falls on the floor,
Pick it up and hang it beside the door.

Undoing my going returns still cold.

Undoing the dinner made for just one,
Ended by leaving before t’was begun,
My departure removed the desire,
No use returning it to the fire.

Returning from going returns to cold.

Scraping the plates only the trash does fill,
Undone and washed everything grows still,
Undoing the day goes deep in the night,
Midnight passes as I turn off the light.

Gloom

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

1 posted 2001-11-27 06:11 AM

I love this one...and will be back later to respond in "like" sonnet...*s

~Wynter

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."
(J.Garland)

Startime
Member Ascendant

since 2000-10-03

Posts 5918
Canada

2 posted 2001-11-27 01:25 PM

Gosh...my first thought was to invite you to dinner at my place. *sigh* sadness fills the beauty of this sonnet, dear one. How I wish the warmth of being loved could fill your heart. *sigh* I know well these same feelings of sadness and would not wish them on you. **big hugs**

Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

emily
Member

since 2000-10-03

Posts 142
USA

3 posted 2001-11-27 01:30 PM

shades of Eliot, this is my kind of poetry.....keep going please!

Emily

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

4 posted 2001-11-27 01:38 PM

This just ACHES---sad, but lovely even in its loneliness.

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

5 posted 2001-11-27 02:07 PM

Thank you, Nakdthoughts
Glad you liked it, even if in delayed inspiration.

Thank you, Startime,
Pleased you enjoyed this,
I send you a list of my dietary restrictions,

Thank you, emily,
I tend to keep writing,
Just keep looking and I hope my writing
Continues to please

Thank you, serenity,
Always a pleasure to please you.

Gloom

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

6 posted 2001-11-28 02:08 AM

Stolen Time: A Gloom Sonnet

Releasing from the moments of last meet,
To random thoughts that often cry defeat.
Just one more time, my land of dreams doth fade,
Exhausted into shadows, fears invade.

Unwrap me from the downfall of depress.

Relinquish all events that cause the dread,
Leaving all that weighs heavy in my head,
Replenish hope, renew me with inspire,
Drain from me the loss, fill with desire.

Reverse the tide of thoughts that claim, oppress.

Undoing what's been done, this source of doom,
Disengaging, divorce of thoughts that loom,
The doing of my day deep into night,
I die a thousand deaths, till comes the light.

~Wynter..sorry I was so late with it...the day was too tiring.

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."
(J.Garland)

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (edited 11-28-2001).]

Professor Gloom
Member Elite

since 2000-07-23

Posts 3082
of Depression

7 posted 2001-11-28 08:51 AM

Thank you, nakdthoughts
Very nice response, poetic,
For a Gloom Sonnet the single lines
Should be more similar, usually the last word
Or partial phrase is the same.

Gloom

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