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Open Poetry #17
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Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

0 posted 2001-11-26 11:56 AM


here i am
sitting by the water
with i, alone,
and eyes blinking
relentlessly
at the crimson of the sea
when light diminishes
reducing its strength
to melt into the
arms of the night

radiance withdraws
quickly
and i hear
the surround sound effect
of waves crashing
at the rocks
that lay
below my feet

and there,
in those sounds I know,
lies the fate of
those hundred million
and more smiles
that i wanted to give
you and me

but, the arithmetic
stopped in its first
few million
steps
when your love for me
suddenly lost
its courage

as if following
the law
of diminishing
returns

"too much love will kill you
in the end"

so the song goes

the cold rock under me is
still
but the air of
what was once
the warm breath
of our love
is now
a cold, heartless
hurricane

and there is that
thunderclap
again
crashing
annoyingly
into my ears
which were once
happily crowded
by the sounds of your
sweet whisper

it is raining on me now,
"let it rain down on me",
now
and let there be fireworks
and rejoice
in the end
of the too much of love

somehow the counting might
still be going on
somewhere else
and I rub my palms together

atleast
they are still a couple
fitting like
forever

everything is cold,
these days

***
listening to some songs are quite troublesome to the heart, yet they are some of the best songs ever written... they touch and move our souls, and then sometimes tears roll down, and some other times, it rains down.... make that most of the times, it rains down...

ever wondered why some of the most wonderful slow songs have the sound(s) of a crash cymbal at the end as the last part of percussion... because it seems to last for a while before it dies...

okay... I will stop rambling like a fool and instead THANK YOU, in advance, for coming by...

Regards,
Sudhir
P.S. titles of two quite popular songs are part of this write.
1. "Too much love will kill you" by Brian May, Frank Musker and Elizabeth Lamers
and 2. "Let it rain down" by Phil Collins.
P.P.S forgive me for a nonsense title, on some mondays, it is difficult to think... you may suggest one, if you like and wish to... thanks again.

© Copyright 2001 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
1 posted 2001-11-26 12:04 PM


Sudhir,
Enjoyed your write. Too many questions lead to too many answers. Your friend Sy

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
2 posted 2001-11-26 12:09 PM


Awesome. And please don't change the title.
The music and sea imagery underscore the emotions so well, and the reverberating crashing cymbal you spoke of heightens the impact of loss surrounded by memory.
Another to save and re-visit, a chosen memory.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
3 posted 2001-11-26 01:27 PM


"Your love for me lost its courage."
One of the many reasons why love does not work out the way we would like...
but it will...
I seem to be getting closer every time...
and one time it will stick hard to me...
and then will I have the courage?  James

RosePetal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-08-26
Posts 2985
South Florida
4 posted 2001-11-26 01:34 PM


Your poem really made me think.
It's funny how you can ask 50 people the same question and get 50 different explainations. I like the way you write sir Sudhir! And I LOVE Phil Collins. Especially the songs "take me home", "in the air tonight", and "for keeps"
*wink

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
5 posted 2001-11-26 01:35 PM



Just keep adding those snippets of thoughts at the end...they show so much of your soul, your inspiration...

as for the title?  It's a keeper....

Marina
Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245
Pickering, Ontario
6 posted 2001-11-26 03:12 PM


Sudhir, this is truly one of your best.  An excellent write my friend.  Library.....

Marina

It is a blessing to have wings for words and passion in pen.


Marina Crossley



Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
7 posted 2001-11-27 04:58 AM


Thank you all very much, my friends, for reading my "75 Lines"  

regards,
sudhir

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