»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #17
»
Forlorn Land
| Open Poetry #17 |
|
Forlorn Land |
|
|
aries_luv_ppl Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448Universal Mind 
|
The rigorous wind sang the forlorn song Of the dying leaves, of flowers and trees. The dust of night echoed the bleak hill of witches. Of the desolate mind, there was something more ghastly. The red reservior Reminded me of the moon. And the dreary sky Seemed to be a watchful eye, To which I trembled On my knees. //I used the vocabularies I've learnt recently from Jane Eyre. Would somebody like to correct my grammer? What should I do if I want to pause there when one reads but it isn't a place for comma or period? Should I start another line? I have had used wrong comma to pause a line. Thanks. I would really appreciate your help. Lizzy http://poets2000.com/lizzyvivian/ ~The first two cup of tea is to throw away; what remains is the best of all. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Eliza Simmons - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Vivian~ This is excellent writing, my dear~ 'The red reservior Reminded me of the moon' What a lovely and inspiring thought~ *BIG HUGS* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
||
|
Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
This was very good!  All writing comes |
||
|
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
I enjoyed this. Its great to see that with every poem you write, you're asking questions and always wanting to improve. I think your grammar and your punctuation is just fine in this poem. If you'd like, you can e-mail me a poem you've written with an example of what you're asking about. I'll be glad to help in any way I can. Meanwhile..this should be read more.  Your storm of assumption feeds anger I am calm enough to hold inside. Don't pretend to know me if you've never put stretched out your heart with since |
||
Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggsssssss) WOW!!! Sooooooo haunting but wonderfully written! You have such amazing talent and provoking voice in your writing, I love it!!! (big hugggssssss) Your poems are always a pleasure to read, I love it!!! (kiss on cheek) You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Lizzy, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton |
||
|
JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
A pleasure to read...James |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
