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Open Poetry #17
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BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside

0 posted 2001-11-17 12:43 PM


Smooth like satin
clinging to each curve
sashaying through the breezeway
a fabric of words
cut away at the seams
traced in a silhouette
outlines in a feminine shape
translucent in lacey nylon
sewn into velvet
draped in a cape
defusing the light
seen through chiffon.

© Copyright 2001 BluesSerenade - All Rights Reserved
Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
1 posted 2001-11-17 12:47 PM


This poem is smooth and soft, velvety to the tongue when read out loud. Nicely done!
BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
2 posted 2001-11-18 12:08 PM


You are so sweet to say so Midnitesun.
But I think I will take this
back to the drawing board and
work on it a bit more. (or a lot more)  

Thank you so much for reading.

Mon Cherie
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-10-31
Posts 922
Land of Never-ending Summers
3 posted 2001-11-18 06:18 AM


I think you've done a great job! As I read, I could just recall the feel of satin over skin. It's so sensual...  
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
4 posted 2001-11-18 07:47 AM



Look forward to the rewrite, and what you might do with this...

Startime
Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918
Canada
5 posted 2001-11-18 12:52 PM


This is beautiful...I love the way it felt as I read it.   Very well done.

Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

peaches73533
Senior Member
since 2001-11-04
Posts 981
OK, USA
6 posted 2001-11-18 12:57 PM


Your words are smooth as satin.
Peaches

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